Contrasting Tendencies

Chapter 3

My head hurt slightly when I woke up.
I'd dreamt of her.
Mom.
It was a devastatingly beautiful dream.
Her blonde hair falling over her shoulders as she slid a pancake onto my plate. I'd already had two. The sun was shining though the windows bringing the gold out in her eyes and hair in a way only the sunshine could do. Her smile was big and toothy as we giggled together when she pretended to put a strawberry on my plate only to eat it before I could take it. My screech of joy at her trick making her smile deepen. She did it again and I laughed so hard my face turned red. But the third time, the third time I was frustrated because as much as she was so silly, I really did want the strawberries. I couldn't have my pancakes without them. It just wasn't right. So when she ate my strawberry again my laughter blurred into a fit and I kicked my feet in fury.
She switched gears seeing that it was now a tantrum and came around the bar to sit on the stool next to mine and rubbed my back.
"Miya." She'd said. "I was just playing sweetie."
I blubbered about not liking the game anymore and she kissed me in the cheek.
"And now that you've told me, I know that you're all done playing. It's okay to be upset baby, but there's no need to yell. Just tell me what's the matter and I'll listen. Okay?"
I sniffed and nodded, feeling bad for ruining the game.
She gave me a crushing side hug and went to the bowl of cut strawberries and heaped a spoonful on my plate.
"I'll always do my best to listen, and you should always do your best to control that temper of yours." She said tapping my nose to make me giggle.
I closed my eyes against the memory and wished I could never dream of her again, it was to painful.
I wished I could just remember her like that. Golden and beautiful but it was tainted by watching her wilt away like a flower that'd been carelessly plucked.
I threw the blankets off me feeling like I was going to throw up but the feeling subsided as I breathed deeply through my nose and out my mouth.
I padded out into the kitchen still wearing the same clothes as yesterday to find Casey eating a bowl of eggs. We didn't look at each other as I poured a cup of coffee and tried to run away without speaking to him.
"I'm going to be gone for about a week." He said before I could slip away.
I stopped.
"I've put it off for as long as I could but I have to get back to work."
He worked all the time so I knew what he meant was that he'd been avoiding traveling so he wouldn't leave me alone. I wondered if our fight had anything to do with him deciding it was time to get back to it.
"By all means." I said eyeing him.
"I leave this afternoon."
I took a sip of coffee and nodded making sure to keep my face blank.
He watched me for a few moments before responding.
"You can stay with the turtles if you want."
"Why? So they can babysit me?"
He set his bowl down and wiped his mouth.
"That's not what I meant."
I wanted to argue with him and tell him I saw through his suggestion for what it was.
"You better still be here when I get back."
Now that did surprise me. I was an adult and I could go where I pleased but by all accounts I was trapped here. I had no substantial money, no other family and no where else to go.
"I'm serious, don't do anything stupid."
My surprise melted into familiar annoyance.
"Me? Never."
He sighed as if he was getting nowhere.
"Did you want to get me an ankle monitor? It might make it easier for you to track everything I do."
"Don't tempt me."

::;

Sweat dripped from my hairline as I jogged. The cold air felt good as it hit my cheeks and nose. I checked my phone and noted that Casey should have been leaving right about now, perfect. I didn't want to be there to do any awkward goodbyes like I hadn't opened a decade old wound between us.  I'd give it another half hour before going back to shower and changed to go to Jackson's. I was delighted to have a week all to myself away from his sharp eyes that watched me like I might break at any moment. For someone that dropped me like a hot potato he held so much love in his eyes for me that it was almost unbearable. 
Finally I felt comfortable going back to the apartment and sure enough it was empty. A note was taped to the counter reminding me to be safe and that the turtles were only a call away.
"Thanks, but no thanks."
I ran over and jumped over the back of the couch to his stereo and connected my phone via bluetooth. Music came blaring a second later and filled all the empty spaces in my heart. I peeled off my clothes and went to the bathroom to shower, leaving the door open so I could hear the music.
The angry melody soothed the angry parts of my heart and I felt much better when I emerged, dripping wet but clean as a whistle. I wrapped a towel around myself and used a small hand towel to dry my hair.
I sang along to the music that drowned out my voice and went for the kitchen to grab one of the wine coolers from the fridge that Casey kept.
Water droplets ran down my arms as I twisted the top and tossed it on the counter taking a long swig and turning to go to my room to get changed for the party tonight.
A scream loosed itself from my lungs when three turtles stood in my living room, one still climbing in through the window.
The music drowned out my surprise and my hand flew to my heart to slow the racing.
"What are you guys doing here?" I yelled clutching the towel to my chest.
Donnie turned the dial down on the stereo but it was Mikey that answered.
"We just thought you'd want some company since Casey is gone." He said plopping down on the couch and grinning at me without a care in the world.
"So he told you guys to come check on me."
He'd only been gone for a few hours and he was already having me babysat.
"That doesn't mean we weren't already planning on hangout out when he told us he was leaving." Leo said having trouble maintaining eye contact.
"You guys don't have to watch over me, it's fine. Really."
Raph closed the window behind him and made his way over to me. His eyes dipped down and I flushed. They moved slowly down my face, down my neck and paused at my chest where I clutched the towel. My fingers fisted in it tighter.
"Can I help you?" I asked pointedly.
He reached out and took the bottle from me. It wasn't my chest he was looking at but the wine cooler clasped in my hand.
"You're not old enough to drink." He said not breaking eye contact as he poured it down the drain.
When my face flushed this time it was because of anger.
"It's a wine cooler not a bottle of vodka."
It made a loud clang when he dropped the empty glass bottle into the sink.
"You goin somewhere?"
His eyes were accusing.
"Oh yea, don't I look great?" I said hoping my annoyance masked my guilt at being caught.
He made a snorting sound and leaned against the counter top.
"So are you gonna get dressed or.." Donnie trailed off and the water still clinging to my body was suddenly ice cold.
"It's not like I knew you guys were coming over." I snapped as I hurried to my room and slammed the door.