Contrasting Tendencies

Chapter 21

I sat on the couch with a bowl of ice cream watching brainless TV. Raph had slipped out after our bathroom rendezvous and I realized I felt a thousand times better than before he'd snuck in.
The realization was scary but at the same time comforting. There was a certain comfort in letting go, in giving in to my feelings for him. He clearly had no qualms about admitting his.
Casey came out of his room rubbing his eyes and I waved to him.
"Want some ice cream?" I asked holding my bowl up for him to see.
He smirked at me.
"What?" I asked wondering why he was looking at me like that.
"You look..different."
I tried to make my face a picture of innocence.
"How so?"
He crossed his arms and cocked his head to the side.
"I don't know..but that look in your eyes is gone."
"What look?"
He came and sat down next to me.
"Like you want to disappear."
I gulped.
Was I that much of an open book to everyone?
"I think you must have bumped your head in that prison cell." I said trying to laugh it off.
"I'm serious, you look happier."
I looked down at my half eaten ice cream.
It's because I've been sleeping with Raph while you were missing. I disobeyed every rule and now I think I'm falling in love with him.
That last part caught me completely by surprise and I felt like my throat was closing up.
"Whatever it is, it's nice to see you again." He said bumping me in the shoulder and getting up. "Maybe I should go missing more often."

::;

The next morning Casey was in good spirits. He cooked us breakfast and told me about some time he visited Italy looking for a vase that was over two thousand years old.
It felt like I was eight years old again, listening to him recall his exciting adventures.
"Think we should visit the guys today? I haven't seen Raph since I got back, I'm surprised he hasn't tried to drop by actually." He said spooning some eggs on my plate.
I could see the small flash of hurt cross his face.
"They probably wanted to let you rest ." I said trying to sound nonchalant.
I speared a few eggs and chewed silently, they felt like lead going down my throat.
"Well I think I've slept enough for a lifetime. Let's finish breakfast and head over." He said shoveling food in his mouth.
His missed his friends, it was clear as day.
I couldn't find it in me to finish my food.

::;

"Casey! You look good man." Leo said clapping him on the back as we walked in.
"I always look good, what are you talking about." Casey joked shoving him away.
"Raph went over to see you yesterday but I guess you needed your beauty rest." Leo said teasing him.
"He did?" Casey asked glancing at me confused.
Raph tensed at his spot leaned against the counter.
"You didn't see him?" Casey asked me.
"I must have been in the shower."
It wasn't a complete lie.
Casey looked at Raph but there was no suspicion in his eyes.
"You'd be asleep to if you spent almost two weeks hardly getting any shut eye." He chuckled.
"So what have you all been up to?"
I waited to see if anyone was going to tell him I'd been being mercilessly trained by Raph and the occasional gentler Leo.
"Listening to Raph and Miya bicker mostly." Donnie said.
I let out a strangled laugh.
"Sounds about right." Casey said smirking.
"Did you know you were on the news?" Mikey asked.
"I figured."
"Wanna see the articles?" Donnie asked already getting up and heading to the lab.
"Why not, the rest of the world already saw them." Casey said with a note of bitterness.
Leo, Donnie, Mikey and Casey went to the lab leaving Raph and I in the kitchen.
I let out a breath I didn't know if been holding and raked my hands through my hair in frustration.
"We have to tell him." Raph said pushing away from the counter.
"What? Absolutely not."
"Why? They'll all figure it out eventually." He said coming to stand next to me so our voices wouldn't be heard.
"I don't know, I just.." I didn't have any words for how I felt.
"Do you still feel like this is just us fucking around?" He asked eyeing me.
It didn't. It felt like so much more.
I think I'm falling in love with him.
"Miya." He said when I didn't answer.
"Why do you have to make everything so complicated?" I hissed.
"Don't get pissed at me." He growled.
"You're always pushing. Why can't you just let it be what it is." I snapped.
His eyes flared and he leaned down, gripping the sides of my chair.
"And what is this Miya. Please for the love of god fucking tell me."
I narrowed my eyes at him.
"Now who's pissed."
"Yea, you do that. You piss me off." He growled.
I looked away from him, staring at the scratches in the table.
"Look at me."
I didn't.
His fingers snatched my chin and forced my face towards him.
"Look.at.me."
I snapped my eyes to his hoping seeing the rage in them would make him back down.
"Don't look at me like that." He said tightening his hold on my jaw.
I opened my mouth lash out at him but his eyes flicked up and the color drained from his face.
I turned my face to see Casey walking up looking murderous.
"What are you doing?" Casey asked with an edge to his voice.
Raph let go and leaned up stepping away from me.
"I said, what the fuck are doing?"
I cast my eyes down at the ground unable to meet his.
"Raph!" Casey said stopping just behind me.
I looked at Raph, he was fighting with him self. I could see the turmoil. My eyes pleaded with him.
"Miya and I have something to tell you." He said finally.
Icy dread slid down my spine.
"Do you?" Casey said, his tone equally icy.
"Raphael." I barked warning him.
It wasn't to late to turn back.
"Miya, what the fuck is going on."
He looked between us seeing my guilt ridden face and Raph's closed off expression and realization dawned on his face. A look of pure rage bled into his usually calm features and he looked at Raph.
"Are you two..sleeping together?" Casey asked, his words painfully slow.
Raph clenched his fists.
"Yea."
It happened so quick.
Casey flew past me slamming into Raph.
I jumped out of my chair knocking it back.
"Stop!" I yelled as they barreled into the counters, into the fridge and onto the ground in a flurry of arms and legs.
"Casey!" I yelled trying to stop them without getting hit by a wayward swing.
Raph was trying to subdue Casey without having to hit him and Casey punched him in the face.
The turtles grabbed them and ripped them apart. Leo had Raph who was now in a rage of his own while Mikey had Casey who was trying to get back at Raph to strangle him.
"I've been rotting in a cell and you're fucking my daughter Raph? I'll kill you!" Casey bellowed fighting against Mikey's hold.
My heart stopped and the world seemed to spin.
"What did you just say?" I asked, my voice cracking.
Casey froze and a look of horror spread over his face. He shoved Mikey off him and stepped towards me.
"Miya.."
"What did you just say!" I yelled so loud it hurt my vocal cords. "I'm your niece.."
My voice as quieter now, it trembled pathetically.
"This isn't how I was going to tell you..I wanted to tell you but-"
"That's not possible. You and my mom were brother and sister." I said shaking my head and bumping into the table as I backed up.
Casey froze his advance seeing my flight mode kicking in.
He held his hands up like someone wanting to pacify a rabid animal.
"No, we weren't. Lisa and I..dated for a few years. I left..She didn't tell me about you." He said his own voice shaking.
My nails dug into my palms leaving little half moon into the skin.
"You're lying. She would have told me."
The world was crashing down around me.
It couldn't be true, it made no sense.
I looked at the turtles. Each one looking at the scene in front of them with a mixture of horror and guilt.
"You knew?" I said to them.
Fresh rage spilled into my heart and I felt it harden.
It was familiar feeling the walls go back up, concrete encasing it in a thousand protective layers tied up in a bow of rage.
"And you?" I asked directing my gaze at Raph.
He opened his mouth but then snapped it shut.
I let out an enraged scream. A scream that had been wanting to burst free for months. I kicked the chair closest to me launching it across the room where it slammed into the wall, cracking on impact.
"Miya, calm down." Casey said moving towards me again.
My hand balled into a fist and I punched him in the gut making him let out a choking sound.
"Stay the fuck away from me."
I shoved past him and ran for the door.
"Miya!" Raph yelled.
He grabbed me by the hand but I yanked it back.
"Don't fucking touch me." I snarled.
Hurt flashed across his face.
"I couldn't tell you." He said reached for me again.
I balled my fist again ready to punch him and he froze seeing it happening.
"You want to hit me?" He said sounding strained.
"Hit me."
A giant ball worked itself into my throat.
"No." I said dropping my hand.
"I don't want anything to do with you. We're done."
His eyes widened and pure desperation bled into his eyes.
"No. We're not." He said slamming his hand into the door when I tried to open it.
I looked at him, hatred filling every gaping whole that had ever pierced my heart.
The first time we kissed.
Me begging him to fuck me.
Laying in his arms feeling like it was the safest place in the world.
Every memory flashed in my mind all at once and it made me sick.
"You were a good fuck. But that's all I wanted. I never wanted anything more than your dick. I'm sorry your bleeding heart thought it was more. But now I'm fucking done with you."
The words did exactly what I thought they would. I watched as it cracked him, right down the middle.
His eyes hardened and he pursed his lips before shoving away from the door.
"Fine. Fuck off then." He snarled stepping back and letting me go.
I looked back to the turtles and Casey.
"Stay away from me. All of you." I said sliding the door open and disappearing into the tunnels.