Silence & The Noise - Fallon's Story

The Second Question

I noticed it the first time in the shop on an average day. The corner of my eye I saw a large man walk by the shop. The man didn't stop or even show any emotion toward the shop door as he passed but I had a vivid image of my old bedroom. Our old bedroom. Horrific pain as I see his face look down at me and his hand twisting in a wound on my forehead,

"You deserve this you fucking whore"

I felt my heartbeat in my ears and I backed up quickly and with the swing of my arms I knocked everything off the front counter of the record shop. I saw Henry come running out from the stairs, I jumped trying to tell myself where I was. Record shop. Not in the community. I'm at the record shop with Henry. I live here with Henry. I tell myself things I already knew but my body seemed to still be on guard.

"Hey Fall you want to go upstairs for a while?" Henry offered softly to me as I looked around in a daze. I nodded and slowly made my way up the stairs and straight to the bathroom and puked. I flushed the toilet in hopes that I was flushing all my memories down with it. Every last one of them.

I laid on the couch the rest of the night. I thought that little instance was going to be it, getting the entire thing out of my system. Unfortunately, it didn't stop there. I kept jumping from the shadows. I left every lamp on in each room so there was a lack of black spaces. It felt rather silly to me, like I was overreacting. I don't need to make all these changes just to be alive. I told myself this but I kept the light on anyway.

Night Time was my worst enemy that day forward. My brain wouldn't let me think about other things when I am unconscious unfortunately. I had such real dreams. I always woke up right when the first hit came. I remember it the most clearly of anything that ever happened to me. When you get hit so hard you feel like you're unconscious but you're not, it's just pain. That was that feeling every night before I jolted awake. I would shake and try to go back to sleep but I couldn't.

This kept going for a few nights in a row. I was feeling spacey and tired from the entire thing. Henry seemed just as kind and patient as he always did but didn't mention much. I wonder if he even noticed.

I was feeling mixed up on how to make it all go away. I didn't want to think about this. I barely paid attention as Henry sat a plate of pasta in front of me and it made me smile. I loved how he could make such a hopeful feeling turn to be bright. It was a meal I told him I loved when he initially made it one of the first nights here in the apartment. Once dinner was done, I dreaded going back to the bedroom. I couldn't handle thinking about everything anymore. I turned the lamp in the bedroom and sat all the pillows and blankets up in a cocoon kind of way so it was more comfy. I stared at the window for a long time and moved the chair from the corner to in front of it. I felt safer having something in front of the window just in case someone broke in, you could hear something being shoved across the floor. I suppose the window being broken would be another indication but this way there's two noises. I'll know if someone moves it. I did my best to set up in bed and slowly drift off to sleep, I was so tired it really took no time at all.

This dream was the worst one yet. It was all a blur anymore. The same bedroom, same wrists raw from trying to pull free, the same gut wrenching snickering.

"No no baby, I need you awake for this" He'd smack my face until I opened my eyes. I felt blood pool in my mouth as he continued,

"You are going to remember this and how much you fucked up"

The dream version of me was much braver, since I saw this scene every night for a week.

I pulled back and kicked him, I screamed

"No fuck you" I saw him look at me with amusement. Like seeing me fight against him this way enticed him. Excited him. He pulled closer and took a handful of my hair and yanked,