Back For You (on going)

reconcile?

I had arrived and I didn't know what to do or where to start I was still in my car.

"You've screwed up so many times and you've fixed every problem you have had with the boys. This is just another mess you have to clean up. Come on Lily you can do it." I told my self trying to encourage myself to go in. I finally got out my car and walked towards the door. I knocked and waited for someone to answer the door. I spaced off and started to think about how I was gonna fix well basically everything then I heard the door open. I looked up and it was Harry.

"Ugh its you." Harry grunted and slammed the door in my face. Yeah that hurt and I was expection that reaction from him. From the inside I heard someone run to the door. It opened again but this time it was Niall.

"Sorry about that Lily, come in." He said forcing a smile.

"Its ok" I said following Niall inside and closing the door behind me.

"The boys are all in their rooms and Caroline and Susan left to buy food." I said and sat down to watch TV.

"Do you think I can fix it? ALL of it?" I asked Niall.

"I really wouldn't know how to answer that but if I were you I'd at least try." He responded.

"Ok, well if I were you I'd expect yelling , screaming and possibly crying." I said before I went up stairs. I stood in a hallway and looked around. I didn't know what room to go in first. I decided to start off with Zayn. I walked over and knocked on his door.

"Come in!" I heard him yell. I slowly opened the door. I saw Zayn on his bed. He was listening to music with his head phones on and scrolling through his phone.

"Umm hi there" I said nervously smiling. He looked up and glanced at me then looked back at his phone.

"Can we talk?" I asked but he ignored me.

"Please Zayn" I tried getting his attention but he continued to ignore me. I finally got irritated and I walked over and took out his headphones and took away his phone.

"Give them back I have nothing to say to you." He sounded annoyed and mad.

"I'm sorry I didn't call, and stop texting. I was gonna explain everything to you but before I knew it you were mad at me. I didn't know how to tell you or how you were gonna react if I told you this while you were on tour. Well that's a lie I knew exactly how you were going to react. You would have left the tour to be here with me and I didn't want you to. I still don't know how to tell you this and I don't think I can. Just please forgive me and know that I didn't mean for any of this to happen." I said and felt like I was going to start crying any minute.

"How am I suppose to forgive you if I don't even know why you didn't message me! How am I supposed to act like you didn't hurt me when I don't know what is happening to you or what happened?" He yelled at me and I flinched.

"Please stop yelling" I begged.

"No! Not until you tell me what happened that was so important that you up couldn't even text me.?" He yelled again but this time louder.

"I told you I can't tell you, it's too hard for me. Please just forgive me." I said starting to cry.

"I just want to know. What happened and why my best friend couldn't be there with me when I really needed her!" He continued to yell and I stood there crying. I heard the door open and it was the rest of the boys.

"What ate you two yelling about?" I heard Liam yell.

"Why is Lily crying?" Niall asked. He stepped closer to me and hugged me trying to make me stop crying. But it didn't work I just cried more.

"You told me you'd be there for me no matter what! You said that I would never feel like I'm alone again! You fucking lied to me Lily! Just stop lying as and tell me why!" Zayn yelled at me.

"I was raped!" I heard my self yelling. By this time was on the floor and Niall and Liam were besides me.

"What?" Zayn asked in disbelief that.

"You said you'd protect me and I was raped! And you don't see me putting you through any guilt trips." I yelled then I got up and started to run.

"Lily wait!" I heard Harry yell after me. But I kept running and didn't want to look back. I finally felt him pull me by my arm and forcing me to stop.

"Why didn't you tell us?" He did with a sympathetic look.

"What was I supposed to do? You were only months in the tour. I didn't want all of upu to come back because of me. You'd lose money, and maybe fans. I didn't want none of that to happen." I told him.

"Lily we care about you. We all love you but some how you always find a wah to push us all away. Some how you always find an excuse. One day you'll just have to accept the fact that you need help. You're not this strong person who can do everything alone. You need friends, and support. One day you'll just have to accept the help we offer." Harry said. He was grabbing my hands in his, while looking in my eyes.

"Come on let's go inside the flat... Please?" He told me.

"I'm sorry I didn't say anything and I'm sorry I dont ask for help, but I wasn't raised that way. I was taught not to trust. I learned to be alone for years that's how it's been since for ever. I'm going home and tell the boys in sorry.I'll talk to you later." I got in my car with tears in my eyes and drove away.