Phansexual (phanfiction)

Five

Phil explained what he had in mind; He would give Dan a few drinks at the flat, just enough to get him a little drunk.

Once Dan was buzzed, Phil would somehow have to make sure he couldn't leave the apartment long enough for him to ask Dan some questions.

Hopefully, since he was drunk, Dan would be more free with information and not hold back much.

At least, that was the plan.

Did it work?

Yeah.

We're the results what they'd expected.

Not. Bloody. Quite.

It was about ten o'clock the next night when Dan started getting ready to go out.

Phil waited patiently while Dan got dressed and straightened his hair, all the while making himself busy by draining beer bottles and refilling them with apple juice.

He was going to ask Dan to have a quick drink with him, giving him actual beer and keeping the apple juice imposter for himself.

It wouldn't do much good for him to interrogate a drunken Daniel while he too was under the influence.

Once he was finished and had put the bottles back in the fridge, (making sure to place the sober ones on the top shelf and the real ones on the bottom so he didn't get confused and mess up his whole plan) he opened his laptop and scrolled through Tumblr for a bit, trying to calm his nervous energy.

Five minutes later, Dan strutted out of his room and headed for the door.

"Hey!" Phil called to him from the kitchen, "Come have a beer with me!"

Dan stopped in his tracks and peeked into the room.

He stared at Phil suspiciously.

I guess now that Dan was more "adventurous" and they weren't spending so much time together, even just inviting each other to sit down for a quick drink was a rare and strange event worthy of a good jaw-drop.

"Uh, Phil," Dan mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, "I-I don't know if I shou--"

"Just one quick sip," Phil smiled his most convincing smile, "It won't take long. You can go out to a pub right after. I just want to hang out with you a little."

Dan shrugged, still seeming a bit on edge, but sat down anyway. "So, erm, what'd you have to drink?" Dan asked, shuffling in his seat uncomfortably.

Phil strained another toothy smile and reached into the fridge, bringing out four chilled bottles. He slid Dan's over to him.

"Nothing fancy," Phil said, unscrewing his bottle's cap, "but it'll do, right?"

Dan smiled weakly and took a swig. "Yeah," he said, "It'll do,"

After about fifteen minutes, (and no less than five rounds on Dan's part) Dan was getting tipsy.

"I should get going," He muttered, standing up clumsily.

"Why?" Phil asked bluntly. The amusement had left his eyes. Dan was drunk enough now that Phil didn't have to play up the happy-go-lucky drinker buddy act anymore. He could finally get down to business.

"I mean, while having a couple drinks in your flat can be fun," Dan explained, "Getting completely hammered in your own home with your dorky roommate is just sad. Getting completely hammered in a good pub with hot chicks and sexy bar tends is wild."

Phil ignored the comment about him being a "dorky roommate." Dan was intoxicated. He probably didn't mean it. Probably.

"Yeah, yeah I get that. But what I want to know is why you feel the need to, um, get completely hammered, all the time? What is it about that?" Phil tried to sound casual.

Dan took a big gulp from his bottle and shook his head wildly before laughing, "That's a secret!"

Phil smiled nervously. "It's okay, Dan. You can tell me your secret. I promise I won't spill."

Dan shook his head again, but this time he wasn't laughing. "Okay. I'll tell you." he sighed, "I've never told anyone this before and it is seriously the biggest secret in the entire history of secrets. So please, PLEASE, just don't tell Phil,"

Phil held his breath. Was Dan seriously too drunk to even realize who he was spilling his biggest secret to? Phil couldn't help but find this the tiniest bit amusing.

"I promise I won't tell Phil," Phil swore, crossing his heart, a tiny smile daring to play at his lips.

"Okay. Okay. Thank you." Dan sighed, clearly relieved. "So, um, here it goes; I -- Bloody hell, this is hard to say out loud! -- I have a crush on Phil." he blurted out.

Phil's eyes immediately widened to the size of saucers. He sat there frozen. Somehow, he managed to speak, "Uh, er, um, what makes you think that?"

Dan ran a hand through his hair and leaned back in his seat. "I don't know really," Another sip of beer. "I guess I've always kind of liked him in that way, all the shipping and fanfiction and the Phangirls probably just fueled it. But he's my best friend! I don't want to ruin that!"

Phil didn't want to interrupt him. So he didn't.

"The thing is," Dan continued, "I'm not gay! But there's no way I'm straight. I mean, I seriously love Phil!" Dan clapped his hands over his mouth. "Fuck! Fuck! I shouldn't of said that! Now you really, REALLY, can't tell Phil about any of this. NOT. A. WORD."

"I won't," Phil promised. He couldn't stop smiling, no matter how hard he tried. DAN SAID HE LOVED HIM! This was fantastic!!! Okay, okay, stay cool, Phillip, stay cool.

"So I'm not gay. And I'm not straight..." Dan started giggling, "Maybe I'm just Phansexual."

Phil laughed with him. Phansexual! Perfect!

Once they calmed down a bit, (well, Phil did, Dan was too loopy to be calm) Phil just had to ask: "So, how exactly does this cause you to act... erm... the way you do...?"

Dan finished off his newest bottle before answering. "If I act completely straight and hook up with lots of girls, no one will suspect me. No one will think I'm into guys if I just keep pretending to be an asshole fuckboy. Except the phangirls, of course. Those crafty little nerds were onto me from day one."

"Yeah, they are pretty smart," Phil chuckled.

Dan scoffed, but kept smiling, "They're kind of disgusting too, though!" He cringed. "Have you seen some of those X-rated fanfics?!

They're nasty!"
Phil laughed more. "You read the fanfiction?!"

A bright red blush colored Dan's cheeks. "It's really good writing!" He cried out, "These fucking preteen girls have more talent in their pinkie fingers than I have in my entire body!" He declared loudly.

"That's probably true," Phil agreed, taking a drink from his fake beer. He was so glad he stayed sober for all of this. He'd learned a lot.

"You know what?" Dan said, "This is actually really fun. I think I'm just going to stay in with you tonight, is that okay?"

Phil nodded furiously.
He couldn't stop smiling.
Dan was choosing to hang out with him -- his dorky little roommate -- instead of going to a pub. He was choosing him over anything else that night. And I guess that's what we all really want in this life, right? To have someone that choose us over anyone and anything else? That would make it the perfect life, wouldn't it?

(A/N) DEAR GOD! I CHOOSE YOU BY SARA BAREILLES STARTED PLAYING WHILE I WAS WRITING THIS AND I CAN'T I JUST CAN'T EVEN!
-Mel