Shitposters Fanfiction🤑

Chapter 2: The King

The raccoon sat silently in the corner of the cell. His claws dug at the hard ground, chipping away at the stone. He couldn't sleep. Rattling of chains and random noises kept him alert. His eyes were fixated at the iron bars. He waiting to yell, hiss and growl. But he wasn't that stupid, he could wake up the other royal knights. Or the King herself. And that could lead to worse, much harsher punishment. Him attempting to steal valuables was already enough for a death sentence. If he angered them? He was sure that they'd drag him through the underworld and back. Those thoughts kept running wild in his mind, not letting rest come forth. He rubbed the side of his head and miserably slid his back down the rough walls. He growled and pressed his hands against his ears, muffling out the unknown sounds.

He was jolted awake by loud, repetitive banging om his cell. Groggily, he rubbed his eyes and blinked multiple times to get used to the bright light being casted by a lantern. "Wh..- what the fuck?" He grumbled and squinted his eyes at the figure outside of his cell. By the blurry form, he could tell it was a large ass dog-like fellow with large fucking ears. He noticed the armor the dog wore. Most likely a royal knight.

"Stand up," the knight growled in a gruff voice. His orange eyes glaring right into the raccons soul. The raccoon, not wanting to be potentially beaten into a pulp, did what he was told. The door to his cell opened and the knight took hold of his wrists, cuffing them together. The raccoon grunted as he was roughly dragged out of the jail cell.

"Ow for fuck‐"

"Shut it."

The thief scoffed quietly and rolled his eyes but bit his tounge to hold back snarky remarks from slipping out of his mouth. His eyelids twitched and lips were pulled up slightly, showing the rows of teeth he had as the knight yanked him to go faster. His paws scraped against the stone, leaving him wincing in pain.

When the both of them emerged from the dungeon the raccoon's eyes darted around the area. It was much more lively to say the least. Servants walked down the halls with silver platters and clean laundry. A stark contrast against the same halls he entered the night before. He didn't get more than three seconds to analyze the halls before getting pushed roughly down the corridor and into another, much larger and fancier room.

There was a few steps that led up to a raised marble floor with a tall, golden throne that was against the smooth wall. Who sat upon it? The King of course, with two of her royal knights beside her. Void and the fuzzy worm thing, Noodle. The wild dog, Big guy, threw him on the ground. He landed on his knees, hissing.

The king took her eyes off the bow she held in her paws and handed it to Void, who took it and carefully leaned it against the wall. She took hold of her cane and got up from her sitting position and slowly stepped towards the kneeling thief. With every step she took, sharp taps echoed throughout the throneroom. With each step she took, his heartbeat quickened and his ears twitched towards her before flattening. Big guy's paw gripped his neck fur as she stopped infront of him.

"So, you are the thief that Void informed me about, hm?" The king spoke, finally breaking the deafening silence. His eyes darted towards the floor. In responce to that, the King lifted her cane and pressed it under his chin, forcefully making him look up at her. "I prefer eye-contact when having a conversation, thief."

She moved her head down, a spark of curiosity flashed in her black eyes. "What's your name?"

"...Twist 'n' shout," he replied reluctantly. She hummed quietly in responce and tapped her cane on the floor as if in thought.

"Incredibly foolish of you to even try to take valuables of mine," she stated and shifted the crown on her head. She grinned, her sharp teeth on display. "It's almost admirable."

Big guy looked up from the raccoon, his eyes narrowing in disbelief. "Are you seriously considering him to not be executed?" He questioned, brows furrowing. "He just tried to steal the treasures!"

"And we've executed shit for less," Void suddenly added on, somehow now beside the king (Twist did not see or hear it walk closer. Startling to say the least). The end of its tail flicked from side to side. "Like someone disrespecting you."

"Schschshshhh," the king shushed and placed her brown paw on Voids face, shutting it up. It scrunched its face up slightly. "That is a different thing."

"Sure, sure, whatever you say, King Shelbington shelbingshit shittington shingbing bingaling Bartholomew Edward Elizabeth Charles Henry III..." it muttered under its breath and took a step back. The king, who heard that, just sighed. But that clearly wasn't the end of the conversation, because Big guy hopped in with why the raccoon definitely should be executed while King Shelbington shook her head in dissapointment in responce.

His ears twitched to the side as he observed the back and forth bickering continue between the king and the royal knights. He didn't know whether or not to be glad that he there was a possibility that he wasn't going to die, because he was pretty sure he heard something along the lines of 'he could be of use' in that conversation.

When the arguing finally died out, Twist decided it was good time to speak up.

"So.. uh King Slebber-"

Sharp pain bloomed in his head as he was suddenly hit by her cane. 

"Ow! Fucking he-"

Another hit.

"No profanities, and wrong name," King Shelbington scolded him like a disappointed parent would do to their child. Twist looked at her in disbelief, then at Void, then back at her. He stared at her with his brows raised and grumbled.

"Yep, got it," he hissed. He wanted to rub his head so bad, but due to the heavy iron cuffs around his wrists, he could only imagine. A sparkle of amusement flickered in both Void's and big guy's eyes as he was in clear frustration.

"So," the wild dog began, "what should be done to him then? If he isn't going to be executed?"

King Shelbington made a 'hmm' noise and clicked her tounge. Her eyes narrowed, but before she could give out an answer, Void spoke up.

"We could make him clean or sum."  The black cat shrugged. "Actually nevermind... Noodle dusts everything anyways..."

Big guy let out a quiet chuckle but quickly covered it up with a cough. Noodle, who was living in his fantasies stared at Void, incredible unamused. His stare only made Void snicker.

"Not a bad idea actually!" The King announced with a smile and pointed her cane at Twist, her long cape twirled dramatically with her movement. All of the Royal Knights attentions were back on her now.

"You're going to clean the dungeons."

Twist's ears perked up at 'dungeons', his attention caught. He mentally groaned to himself, a deep pit of dread dug itself in his mind.

Not that damn shithole.