The Power Of Love And Vengeance

Chapter Seven

     Twin loss is referred as one of the most devastating losses a person can experience.  One may feel lost, hollow and alone. Like there is a void inside them that can never be complete. They may experience intense guilt, anger and despair.  Some may even turn to self destruction behaviours to help cope with  the pain.

       Especially at a young age, it can be devastating.  The surviving twin may not have had a chance to develop their own identity outside the twin relationship  and may feel empty. Like a part of them died with their twin leaving them hollow. They may struggle to find a sense of purpose and belonging in life, which can lead to mental health issues, ptsd, depression,  anxiety and depression.

 
     It's important to allow people who have experienced twin loss to feel all their emotions,  even the painful and uncomfortable ones. By validating their feelings and providing support, helping them process their grief and come out stronger.

          It's okay to feel sad, angry,  lonely and lost. These are normal and valid feeling and it's totally fine. Don't bury them . Living and experiencing them is part of the healing Journey. It might seem tough and no one knows the depth of your pain, but give yourself time and space to experience them.

          Ava's POV
     
            Fashback

     "Beep! Beep! Beep!" I hear  machine sounds and some shuffling.
" Oh good, you are awake sweetie!" I see a nurse checking on something attached on my body. I try to figure out where I am and once I do, the first thing I do is call out to Noah.

   " Noah! Noah!" I start thrashing trying get out and go find Noah.
" I need to find Noah. Is he okay? Where's Noah? Mom and dad are going to be so angry at us." I cry out.

       "Sweetie,  you need to calm down. You are at the hospital." The nurse tries to calm me down. The door opens and my dad and grandma come rushing in.
"Dad, grandma, Where's Noah? Is he okay? I tried, I tried to save him but I couldn't.  Can I see him? I'm sorry we went to the lake. " I rush out.

     "Sweetie, please come down. You need to rest." Grandma wipes my tears and calms me down.
" But granny, I want to see Noah." I start crying again.  " You will, but you need to rest, okay?" Granny tells me and I nod my head. All the while, my father just holds my hand and looks really sad. He doesn't say anything,  which makes me start to worry.

      The nurse then takes over and injects something in me and soon I drift off hoping Noah is okay. Hoping that mom and dad won't be angry and ground us for playing in the lake.

      Little did I know that was the last time I was gonna see or hear from my twin. That my family was gonna be divided.  That I'll take fall for something that was unplanned and accidentally.

       That was the day I lost my twin in the lake while swimming. We both drowned but he had drunk too much water and couldn't be saved. I had been in a coma for two weeks and didn't get to say goodbye to him. My twin, the other half of me. I was left feeling empty, like there was a hole inside me. The missing part of a puzzle that completed me.

       That was the day I lost my family's love and care. They all shunned and blamed me for Noah's death. Only grandma believed me, how hard I tried. How hard I'd tried to save him.

    My family had abandoned me and my grandma took me in. Luke and Amber never wanted to take sight of me. They all thought I'd killed their brother. I can say dad was empathetic towards me, but after all, they all believed I had killed their son. Mom took the news in the worst way possible and she'd said she regretted having given birth to me.

       I grew up with a lot of self hatred. Even though grandma was always there for me, it couldn't take away how everyone felt and said about me. Even at school,  other kids didn't wanna associate with me because I was  a 'murder'. I believed it, I was one.

      That was ten years ago. I grew up resenting myself. Grandma died when I was 15 and I had to live with my family again. I had to handle all the harsh words and abuse from family. I had no one. The only pleasure I got was from cutting myself. Feeling the blade cut through my skin, and the smell of my own blood became my only source of comfort.

      As I grew up, I got used to the pain. It became a norm, a tingling sensation.  I got high off of it and that was the only coping mechanism I had. I would cut my arm but stopped as soon as anyone would take notice of it. I'd start cutting my things and hide it.

      All I ever wanted to do was die. And maybe then, the world would be a better place. My family could stop blaming me . Maybe then, they'd love me more if I were dead than alive.

   
Hey guys!!

I'm new to this. I don't know much about self harm and having to deal with it, but I'll research more and try to help bring self awareness to it. If I've written something offensive, I apologise. Let me know and I'll correct it.

Thanks!! :) :)