Play House

Chapter Twenty: Aurora

It's been a year since I've heard from Ace, after 4 weeks I noticed he wasn't coming to my door anymore.. I decided to leave my room to investigate noticing his bedroom door open and his room looking even more bare. The lights were off but the curtains were open letting natural light, light the room. My heart was beating. Did he actually leave? Actually give up? I walked around opening his closet all his clothes were gone. I looked at his bed, The only thing remaining were two pillows and a folded up blanket. And a folded white piece of paper with his note. A hand written note. 

Dear Aurora,

I didn't cheat, i'd like to start there. I was at the drink station grabbing drinks. A hand slithered around my waist and I felt lips kissing up my neck. It felts like you so I closed my eyes letting well who I thought was you reach my lips. I grabbed her face and began kissing her back. I didn't realize it was you until I pulled away. I wanted so badly in that moment to just go back in time after seeing the hurt on your face. I would never do anything like that to you Ror and I need you to believe that. It's become very clear to me that I'm not going to get a chance to explain. I've found a place further away and I'm leaving to go there. You won't hear from me again. Because I know what you think I've done is unforgivable, and sometimes the person you love has to be let go. So this is me letting you go. I know i'll never get a chance to know if you've forgiven me let alone know if you even read this but I want you to know. You Are extremely important to me, my soulmate, and I know that this situation has caused a lot of emotional pain to you. But I want you to know you'll always be my girl, my princess, my Ror. And I want you to know i'll love you until the end of time. Goodbye Aurora.

              - ACE

I still think about that. I've tried looking for him but didn't have any luck so I gave up. I tried moving on but couldn't. So instead I just hook up with men on occasion. And honestly the worst part is that I was so angry I didn't even give him the opportunity to explain. I'm so used to seeing the bad in people. That any time I'm betrayed they immediately become a horrible person and there's no way around that. I shut down completely and regret it. I got a job at Otto's casino to distract me. I am a communications leader, which means anytime Otto and Nova are on a mission I'm the one telling them everything our sources tell us. It's a good job, it's been keeping me distracted. There's a man here that I work with that I occasionally hook up with. We've agreed it's nothing more than sex. And that's all. We're both fine with that. And we keep it professional at work.

I moved out of Nova and Ottos after she got pregnant and gave birth, cutest little niece ever. She's about 3 months old now. I got myself a penthouse near the downtown area so that I could be close to work but not too close. If im not at work im at home, I don't leave my house unless its to go to work, or bar. I've gotten a lot closer with Whitney who is slowly beginning to become my best friend. She comes from a similar relationship as mine, a drunk abusive ex. And she finally left him and needed a place to stay. I told her she could move in with me. I've been lonely anyways with the huge penthouse and nobody else living in it. After much convincing that she wouldn't be a burden I finally convinced her to move in. I Don't really think about Ace as often, all though certain things trigger memories we shared and it fills me with regret. I go on walks often to clear my head or just when I need fresh air. It's something my new therapist suggested. She said it's good for my brain. I quit boxing because she said it was a form of self harm for me. So walks have been my new escape.

I think more than anything fear of being abandoned is still deep inside of me no matter how hard I've tried to get rid of it. It only digs deeper inside of me. I started seeing a new therapist after I moved into my pent house because feelings of wanting to die came back but I was lucky enough to not want those thoughts anymore and get help. I've been starting to feel like myself before my ex... all of my ex's. And I feel like I just came up from a deep part of the ocean for air and it feels amazing. Part of me still wishes Ace were by my side during recovery but i'm sure he's already moved on since it's been a year. My heart will always belong to Ace no matter what, and there's no way that could change.