Entangled Desire

Six: The Awkwardness

Last night Shane drove me home and kissed me on the cheek. I couldn't stop blushing after that. It was so embarrassing too because when I came into my house both my mom and dad apparently overheard my conversation with Shane, on the porch. They asked me if he and I were dating. Of course, I denied it right away because we aren't dating, but I swear I couldn't stop my heart from beating so fast. I don't know how to explain or really comprehend with how I'm feeling. I know I stayed up all night trying to figure out these weird feelings, but either I couldn't figure them out or I just didn't want to admit them. Possibly both.

It wouldn't be surprising though if I suddenly had a crush on him. I mean, he is handsome and super cute. He's also really nice, charming, funny, understanding, caring, and pretty outgoing. Despite the fact that he could very well be a playboy, I suppose it wouldn't be so horrible if I started crushing on him. You know, just join the rest of of his fan club at school, the one who glares holes in other girls' backs whenever he talks to a girl other than them. On second thought, now that I think of it, I'm not and I don't want to be one of those girls who is so madly in love with someone, along with a bunch of other people, and gets jealous so easily. I'm just not that kind of person.

I don't know how I'm going to face him today though. I can barely look in the mirror without blushing like crazy. I keep touching the spot on my cheek where he kissed me too. Yeezus! I don't know how I feel, I don't know how I'm supposed to act when I see him, I don't know if I should expect him to just suddenly ask me on a date or what! Gah~, I need some advice and quick!

When I got to school, I didn't exactly ignore or avoid him, I just didn't make eye contact with him. He also seemed to be a lot more comfortable with me, if that even makes sense. I mean, like he talked to me as if he's known me for a long time and that he didn't just meet me about three to four days ago. Anyways, I kept stuttering and rambled a lot. I do that when I get nervous or when I'm embarrassment. It's how people, who have known me for a long time, can tell when I'm nervous or embarrassed. I already knew Lettie could tell that something was up because she kept eyeing me when she noticed me stuttering. I know I can never hide anything from her because she'll always catch on.

I sigh heavily as I take my seat in my first class. After this morning in the locker bay, I just took off like a rocket. I had to get out of there as fast as possibly. I could barely stand being there. I was that nervous and embarrassed. Soon, Shane, Lettie and the others come in and sit in their spots. I glance up and my eyes immediately meet with his. He sends me a heartwarming grin and a soft spoken wink. My eyes widen at his gestures and I avert my eyes. I grab my bag and pretend to rummage through it.

"Lose something?" His voice appears in a whispered tone right beside my ear. My whole body jerks in alarm and I glance around to see him crouching down beside my desk with a slightly amused expression. Goddammit, this is not going so well.

"Um.... no, I'm j-just l-looking for m-my......," I begin to say as I quickly glance into my bag. My eyes lock on a small, purple hair clip. "My hair clip! Yeah!" I quickly show him the hair clip in panic. He eyes it curiously before glancing back at me. I stifle a nervous laugh as I use it to pin back some loose hair. He watches me as I do that. Dude, stop watching me!! I gulp nervously as I can feel his eyes on me.

"You're so cute Lena," he comments as he turns his gaze off of me. My eyes widen and heat rises to my cheeks at his comment. I stare straight ahead in shock that he said that so calmly. Why am I the only one feeling really nervous right now? For most of class, he doesn't bother me that much, but once in a while I'll catch him glancing my way. By the end of first period, I feel all fidgety. I really need to go take a breather. When the bell rings, I grab my things and head straight for the girls' bathroom. I enter the bathroom and stand in front of the mirror. I let turn on the water of the sink and let the faucet run before splashing some cold water onto my face. I need to cool my face off because it looks like I just came out of a sauna. Just then Lettie comes in and approaches me. Oh no.