Running through the dark,
Eyes opened,
Mind closed.
My emotions are like a cage
Trapping and hiding me away.
My thought are like a trap
Holding me hostage against my will.
They say: control your mind before it controls you.
Yet they don't understand what I have to go through.
It makes my life a long battle against my inner demons.
Screaming on the inside,
Wishing someone could hear.
But they are oblivious to the war being fought within me.
It's like I want to be happy,
I crave the feeling.
Something bigger than myself is stopping me though.
No matter what I say,
Despite what I do,
Overthinking has killed me too.
I have become a victim
To the villain they call depression
And he holds me in his tight grasp
Not planning to let go anytime soon.
I wish you could save me
Wish you could grab me and pull me out of this never-ending black hole
And hold me in your warm embrace,
Safe from myself.
And I wish I could tell you just how dark it is in my mind
But I can't.
Because above all,
Fear tugs at me.
Fear that I'll drag you down with me
Fear that as soon as you peek inside my brain,
You will run and hide.
And this fear buries me deeper and deeper and suffocates me.
I'm drowning with a smile in my face
Because even though I know that soon enough it will all become too much and my time to leave will come,
At least I can watch you happy, breathing, and alive.
That's more than I need to survive.
It's like your happiness is my air tank and I would hate to see the day when that supply of air runs out and you join me.
So for now love,
Just smile and keep in mind that I would die if you stop smiling.
Your happiness is my life
You are my life.
I love you.
~Jenny
