THE WOMAN BEFORE

Chapter 8

I S L A

     I NEED TO stop doing this, or else I’m going to die of a heart attack. Jealousy is surely going to kill me. At my age, I shouldn’t be spying on people, but do I have a choice? This is futile. I don’t even know why I keep on doing this; watching Rosina. Evans just entered the two-story house he bought for her. I’m sure of it. They’re seated in the dining room now, eating and laughing. Laughing at me. I hate those two.

     He’s smiling at her and caressing her beautiful face. She picks up the wineglass and the liquid sloshes as they toast. She giggles, and he giggles. They’re having fun, while I am here, languishing. Soon, I will be engulfed by sorrow so much that I will drown and nobody can save me.

     I should have been the woman sitting in front of Evans. I should have been the one he is getting married to in a few days. I should have been the woman he’ll spend the rest of his life with. I can’t believe I’m not that woman. I’m not remotely close to that woman.

     I promised myself I wasn’t going to cry over Evans, but I can’t. The tears want to come, and I can’t control them this time around. I let them fall, looking at my reflection in the rearview mirror. I stare at the woman looking back at me, her eyes red and her lips very pale. I can’t even recognize myself. I don’t remember the last time I had a good sleep. Evans will drive me crazy.

     I’ve wondered why Evans dumped me for her but found no easy answers. I thought it was because Rosina was young and beautiful. But I’m also beautiful. At least I’m not ugly. My face isn’t sagging. I haven’t developed wrinkles yet. My hair is still vibrant. So why did Evans leave me for her?

     Why?

     Somebody tell me why!

     Right now I feel like hopping out of this car, barging into the house, and killing them on the spot. I wanted to hurt Rosina physically, but now I want to hurt Evans too. He made a fool out of me.

     I’m messed up. I don’t know what to do. I really don’t. Tears falling freely, I put the binoculars in the glove compartment and run my hair backward. I sigh, then grip the steering wheel. I need to stop doing this. It’s only corrupting my mind. But as for Rosina Scott, she hasn’t gotten away with Evans. She should enjoy the moment while it lasts. They won’t live happily ever after. I’ll make sure of it.