Crowns and Guns.

Water (part 1)

I jolt awake from my nightmare, drenched in sweat. It takes me a few seconds to realise where I am. And what year it is.

"It's alright, Skye," I whisper to myself. "You are not that scared ten-year-old girl anymore, whose memories plague you every night. You are a twenty-six-year-old lieutenant. You are strong. You can defend yourself. You can keep yourself safe."

I roll over onto my back and look at the concrete ceiling. My heart is still pounding in my throat, and I feel out of breath.

"You are safe, Skye," I whisper to myself. "You are strong. You can defend yourself. You are not a defenceless child anymore."

I repeat the same sentence over and over until I calm down a bit. I feel my skin sticking to my metal blanket, and throw the damn thing aside. I regret it immediately when the freezing cold air makes contact with my skin. Those damn blankets.

We used to have real blankets, but ORCHID decided a couple of years ago to repurpose the cotton and fabric and provided us with these metal foil sheets instead. They keep us warm, sure, but they feel strange. They are everything but comfortable.

I keep staring at the ceiling. At least ORCHID didn't find another use for the foam mattresses yet. Yet, it wouldn't kill them to give back some of the pillows.

I roll on my side. My bed is located at the end of the barracks, against the wall. I fought hard to get this bed, as most beds are freestanding, but it was worth it, having a wall on one side makes me feel safe.

I roll over to the other side, trying to get comfortable, but to no avail. I open my eyes again. It is really dark in the barracks, most of the beds look like dark outlines, but I can see the silhouettes of some nearby beds. I look at June, the seven-year-old girl in the top bunk of the bed closest to me. She is fast asleep, and holding her teddy bear tightly in her arms, while tucked under her metal foil blanket. I really envy her ability to sleep through anything.

I sigh. I am not gonna fall back to sleep, am I? Let's just get up.

I carefully climb out of the bunk bed, making sure not the wake Katie, the teenage girl sleeping in the bottom bunk. I gasp as my bare feet touch the cold stone floor. I carefully walk to the bathrooms, navigating between the beds in the dark.

I enter the bathroom. Rows and rows of bathroom stalls line the right side. Some contain actual toilets, while others are -or at least used to be- shower stalls. Most of the showers are broken, and it is not like there is clean water anyway, so people barely shower. We wash our face and hands and sometimes save up enough rations of clean water to wash our hair. Or hand wash our whole bodies if we are in a very exorbitant mood.

Yet, the shower stalls still see some use. They are the only places in the whole building that provide a little semblance of privacy, so people use it to change clothes, and for other activities that warrant privacy.

On my left side, the wall is covered with a large mirror and sinks were occasionally bolted against it. Some are damaged beyond repair, but others still work. I stop at the first relatively clean sink and look at myself in the mirror. My deep blue eyes look deadly tired. I rush my hands through my black hair, which is tied in a messy bun. It is oily and sticky.

I sigh deeply. I wonder if I have enough clean water to wash my hair again, it has been weeks. Then again, June's hair needs washing too. Maybe I'll just share my water with her. She needs it more than me.

I carefully open the tap, and try not to retch at the strong earthy smell of the water flowing out of it. I splash my face with the dirty ice-cold water. I immediately regret it, as some of the water enters my mouth. I retch, accidentally spilling some water on my nightdress.