REGRET🏎️[2]

3:00

LANDO

I'm sat here watching the tv play as time goes by.Time in which all I can think about is her,if she's alright,where she is or how she is.

all my mind is her.

I know I did her wrong in the last year.
everyone does her wrong.
she deserves so much more than she gives.
but I can't give that to her.

I can't be the one to put that smile on her face.
I can't be the one who sleeps beside her every night.
No matter how much she understood me or helped me I pushed her away.

I lost her.

my phone pings multiple times as it lays there on the coffee table in my parents home.

I grab it with every hope it's Amelia.

Charles.

why the fuck is he messaging me?

all winter Amelia and Charles we're together,posting on their socials,practically dating.we're they dating?

of course I stalked her socials.
How I wish she thought of me through the winter break.
how the outfit she wore to England made her think of me.

the quadrant hoodie,I got her during the launch. The one she modelled for on my website. The pictures I've been staring at endlessly,even with the rumours of me and multiple girls going round.
my mind was on her.

I'm not sure if she purposely started posting Charles on her private or if she just did,either way she knew it would piss me off.

that's the funny part,all we do is piss each other off.as if that was our thing,the only thing that has stayed between us.

the pictures.
my head begins to ache as I realised pictures of me and Amelia had been released,pictures where I had been semi-comforting her.
I open twitter while charleses name keeps appearing in my phone. I stare at them,at how close we really were.
I didn't even think,just left Amelia there as our conversation ended,the conversation I have been replaying in my head all evening.

the way she spoke to me,the hatred in her eyes for me.her body strong and tough showing no signs of weakness as if she was scared to lower that border with me.
The topic of her mum slightly shaping that border weaker.
but it wasn't enough for us to have a normal conversation.

she decided to leave and I don't blame her.
I don't blame her for hating me or whatever she felt towards me. I don't blame her for not wanting anything to do with me.

I hurt her because I was hurting.
and because I was stupid.

stupid and in love.
what a combination.

Charles is practically harassing my phone now with messages.I reply eventually,thinking of the nicest way to tell him I want to blow his head off.

"I don't know I haven't seen her since the meeting,stuff came up she's not the best"
I replied,knowing whatever his response would be,it would some how turn into my fault.

"and you left at that state of mind?"charles's message sending a loud ping to my phone.

"she doesn't like me,last time I checked?"
my response to the disturbing question,the answer adding to the tragic topic.

"..."-charles.