REGRET🏎️[2]

8:00

LANDO

As I walk into the main drivers room all my attention moves to Amelia.
she sat there,her headphones in,her head in her lap and her hands covering her face.
I don't want to interrupt her but I also don't just want to leave her there.

I place my things down and head to make a coffee,she doesn't even flinch.

I'm so worried for her but I also haven't spoke to her in a couple days,I can't?

the last time we spoke it wasn't all too good,an argument between the two of us had occurred and she stormed out.

"I'm going to race.you can't tell me want to do Norris,just because you're the star of the show doesn't mean you have control in what I do. I will race and show you and the whole world I can do it."

"I never said you-"

"your life is perfect,keep it perfect without me in it,don't think you have any right speaking to me just because we're team mates.you mean nothing to me."

that night I drank like I never have before,sipping away at any bottle I had around. I didn't care for the taste,as long it kicked deep.As long as my mind was clear of her.

But nothing worked.

no matter how much I drowned myself in alcohol all I could think about was her.
the self sabotage I caused myself to keep her far from me,how much I pushed her away,how much I killed her,killing me the same if not more.

Everyone says she's "over it". Over me.

They all say she likes me and wants to be friends with me and I put in all this effort to try and make her comfortable in what ever situation we- I got us into but nothing has worked but I breathe for this girl.

Everyday I wonder how she is,how she's holding up,always a phone call away for her,waiting for my phone to flash her name,staring at the blank space as every inch of me aches to reach out for her but I have to pull myself back into reality. THIS reality where she clearly wants nothing to do with me?

I don't even know her favourite colour anymore or her favourite song but I wish I did.
I wish I knew- "FUCK!"

the boiling coffee drips down my hand as I place the cup back down,focusing my head back into what I was doing.

the coffee all over the counter as I rush to clean it up,forgetting everything that was in my head.

I hear murmurs of Amelia's music through her headphones,I want to leave her alone but I can't,surely this is what the universe wants? It wants me to speak to her right or it wouldn't keep putting us in a small space together.Or is this just another coincidence as of the rest of our relationship.

I've now dried the area around me,putting my coffee back down and everything else in its place,I would sit beside her however that seems to upfront,too forward.

I look around no one else is walking by,all the blinds shut and a small amount of light escapes from behind the door.

I quickly check my phone in distress of trying to distract myself from speaking to her but-
She's shaking. Her whole body is shaking.

Her legs up and down,her head on her legs continuously following.

I don't think before my body moves behind her,lightly tapping her shoulder.

she removes the side of one headphone,her face still down. Away from me.

"your shaking Mercedes." I spit out,as her legs don't stop.

She doesn't react,sat still looking at the floor.

I move myself to the front of her now leaning beside her,holding onto her legs keeping my balance as I crouch before her.

her hands slowly move from her face and those brown eyes meet mine. She stares hesitantly before looking back down,I'm not sure what I'm doing exactly but before you know it my hand is gently on her chin forcing her to look at me. I admire her eyes as she looks at me caressing every thought to leave my brain.

"lando?" She speaks as I look between her eyes,her voice light and soft.

"you okay?" Reaches my mouth as my head leans to hers,our eyes locked on thin ice.

"yeah I'm okay" she speaks once again,sounding as if she's questioning herself within her answer.

A tear begins to swell in her eye as we sit here in silence the mere sound of her music playing every once a while.

"are you nervous?" I begin to ask realising this is the closest I've been to her in months,trying to make the moment last forever.

she leans back wiping her face,tearing her eyes away from mine as I stand up,walking back behind the sofa as I sip my coffee,not taking a single eye off her.