No Words Needed

Grow As We Go

Colin left for Italy no less than a week before the closing of the London season, with a trunk full of promises that he would return a changed man, a better one. Mostly, for himself, but especially for Penelope, the woman he now realized was the love of his life. He had intended to apologize to her in person and make amends, but when he arrived at the Featherington home, he was informed that the ladies were already packing up to leave for their country home. He understood, considering all of the scandal and humiliation they were now subjected to, some of which he had caused. Still, he hoped for only a sliver of Penelope's time so that he could assure himself they would be alright. If he could even catch one glimpse of her bright blue eyes, it would be enough. Alas, all Colin received was a short missive from Missus Varley written in Penelope's hand that said, "I forgive you." It would have to be enough. He would write to her while he was away, and he would prove himself worthy of her friendship, if not her love.

You say there's so much you don't know. You need to go and find yourself.

Penelope watched from her window as Colin hoisted himself upon his horse, though it did not have the same effect it usually did. Normally, the sight of Colin's strong arms flexing against the fabric of his thin travel jacket would cause her to swoon on the spot. In the past, it would have made her reminisce of their first encounter when she was seven and he twelve, and she knocked him off his first riding horse. Now, all she could see when she looked at him was the naive young girl she used to be. All she could see was her dying dream of a happily ever after. "Fairy tales aren't real," Portia Featherington always reminded her third daughter, and she would do well to remember those words. "Penelope, girls like you must learn to be grateful for what they are given." Grateful. What did she have to be grateful for? She had nothing. Nothing except the chance to do things differently this time. The chance to change and become better. Yes, she would be alone, but perhaps that would be enough.

You say you'd rather be alone cause you think you won't find it tied to someone else.

Colin looked down from his horse towards his family for the last time. Each of the Bridgertons gathered in front of Bridgerton house to see him off, including Kate, Anthony's fiance, and even Daphne and the Duke, who were now expecting their second child. At the end of the previous season, after Lady Crane had betrayed him, Colin had taken travelling as his opportunity to run from life's problems. This time was different, and he felt as if he was running towards something. With Penelope's note of forgiveness in his pocket, he waved goodbyes to his family, but not before sparing a glance at the home across the street. He knew which window was hers, and he caught just the barest hint of her red hair before the yellow curtains closed. He was hopeful that it meant she still cared, and that he hadn't lost her entirely. He hoped she would forgive him for going, and that she would understand.

I don't think you have to leave if to change is what you need.

The first thing Colin did when he settled on Italian soil---after he tried his first authentic gelato, of course---was sit down in his room to comprise his first letter to Penelope. He pondered all the ways he could tell her he had been a fool and that he was drunk and his friends were pestering him and he didn't mean it at all. But he realized nothing could come close to justifying his actions. So instead he started with a simple "I'm sorry," followed by the truth of how much Penelope meant to him---neglecting to mention that he loved her, because such things should not be said for the first time in ink. He thought about telling Penelope about the journey and what he had seen of Sicily, but stopped when he considered that their exchange of letters in the past had always been focused on him. Why? Had he truly been so self-centered not to ask anything about her, outside of the common, "how are you?" That would be one of the first things Colin would change.