Fragility

12 Waking Delirium

I drove the boat all through the night until the dawn came about from the east. The warm fingers of the golden sun's rays greeted my relieved sight in the cool winter air of the North Atlantic. It is the early dawn hours, and the boat ran out of fuel. I could see the snowy coast of New England, and I knew I am closer to Massachusetts Bay. It started to snow where I drifted. I decided to set anchor and fire a flare later at a passing ship. I then rested my tired head against the frame of the boat in the driver's seat and closed my eyes, dwelling in the darkness of my sight and mind for a moment, finally feeling at peace.

Then I heard something moving in the passenger seat and opened my eyes to find Clara awake and standing up on the stern of the boat.

"What are you doing?" I asked, alarmed to see her up.

"I must return to him; he calls to me...Yarnǒtho seeks my womb to be birthed as my son..." Clara answered in a strangely calm voice as she was in a trance like state, her face filled with an eerie calmness.

"Clara! Wait! What are you doing?" before I could stand up straight and get to Clara, she flung herself into the icy-cold grey tides of the ocean.

"Clara! No! Come Back!" I called out in woeful horror as Clara drifted away from the anchored boat; her distant body seemed to be struggling in the slushy waters as she flailed her arms and her head sunk into the waves, pushing her under. I couldn't swim and save her. I could only watch in heart-wrenching agony as she drowned in the Atlantic.

"Clara!" I cried out in grief, my eyes streaming with tears.

"Clara, No! No! Not like this...No!" in my moment of despair, when my hands tried to reach out for her, the creature that sank the Sea Banshee rose from the tides, swallowing Clara in its beak.

I watched in sheer terror, knowing that monster escaped the island's destruction, seeing it swimming underneath the slushy cold surface, circling me. I looked at its foul demonic head, breaking above the water in the morning light. All four of its goat-like eyes fixated on me, its tentacles running behind it, as its beaked mouth opened wide and swallowed me whole.

I screamed awake from the nightmare, sitting up where I laid and found myself suddenly set adrift, some miles away from the Bay of Massachusetts. The anchor I had put out earlier was cut. I heard the click of a gun hammer and quickly turned to it, finding Clara with my revolver holding a hatchet and aiming my gun at my head.

"W-Why did you do it?" She asked in her trembling voice, filled with sadness; her eyes welled with tears of sorrow.

"I saved you from that hell and that demon they were going to put into you!" I explained, my hands raised and shaking.

"He is not a demon! He is a beautiful God who was going to Liberate us from this Mortal Suffering We're Cursed With!" she screamed at me in hysteria as she shook her head with immense dismay at my answer.

She was right; I still felt fucking guilty for what I did to Ostermann and denying Yarnǒtho to be birthed into our world. Those words cut deeply within me and made me heavy with regretful guilt that is unbearable, knowing Yarnǒtho would have made my life into that perfection I desired so much. I would hate myself more if I had known ahead of time. I would have never given Jethro those damned dynamite bundles. Yet, that was in my regrettable past, and I had to deal with this fucked up present I am stuck in.

"P-Please, Clara! Just put down the gun! Just put it down! You are safe here with me!" I tried to reason with her.

"No! You destroyed everything that Ostermann worked up for so long and hard to obtain! How can I ever forgive you?" she screamed as she broke down in tears, lowering the gun, dropping the hatchet, and falling back into her seat, defeated and hopeless.