GOTTA GO- SOLOIST BOOK 2 (ON HIATUS)

@13

Chaerin stared infront of herself, the calm breeze blew past her. Her hair moved slightly. She had her eyes closed.

Peace. She felt at peace. Dread filled her at every moment she found herself enjoying the moment but as her therapist said, she had to let go of dread. It's not easy but dread makes brown look black. Guilt looks dread look like a habit. And habits can turn into addiction. And addictions....kill you.

"Eonnie!" She heard her sister call. A very small smile pulled up on her face as she watched the fourteen year old run up to her older sister.

"Look what I found!" She squealed before shoving her hand infront of Chaerin.

A a clover with four leaves.

"Wish with it!" She urged.

"But you found it, Chari." Chaerin frowned.

"Bruh, Shanon Carson is a lucky charm herself but I thought you'd like this more. " Shanon laughed before sprinting away.

Smiling to herself Chaerin stared at the clover.

Please, just please make everything better, for the better.

+++

She smiled slightly as she heard Given-Taken playing on the speaker, her playlist on shuffle.
She was glad all of her friends made it. Alas, she wasn't there to see. She had no contact with anyone as all her socials were logged out of to keep her away from media touch. She only was allowed to text but she avoided it aswell, usually it was the basic, 'how are you doing?' , 'are you okay?' etc which indicated to 'You didn't kill yourself, right?' And the others were the rare, 'When will you be back?'
The one that stood out is the longest text left unread. A lonely 'I love you, I'm Sorry.'
She wished to reply back often, to write back an 'I love you too' but she knew he deserved it to be said face to face as she apologizes one last time before everything goes back to normal. It has been 3 months.

Chaerin was snapped back to reality as her phone buzzed slightly. She frowned to find a rare call coming up.

"Hi, Juyeon" she answered the call, greeting the older twin.

"Hey, Chae." Replied the voice. "It's good to hear your voice, I missed it."

Chaerin rolled her eyes, "as if. How are you and Jena doing?"

"The usual, they've started to evaluate us for a new group. Jena is training for a survival show of some sort, no idea." Juyeon laughed.

"Glad to hear. So? Why'd you call?" Chaerin asked, rolling back to lay on her back, she heard Blueming start to play on the speaker.

"Ooh, I see you're playing songs accurate to my feelings." Chaerin almost heard his smirk.

"Your flirting is shit, dude."

"Mmhm, lie to yourself, sweetheart."

"I am your senior you know?" Chaerin laughed before sitting up, she laughed? It was so rare to bring herself to laugh without feeling her stomach churn with guilt or bursting into tears right after. It was pathetic and cringe to her but yet it was real.

"While sitting on your bed back in Australia? Nope. Come back and we'll see." Juyeon said. Chaerin frowned.

"Kidding. Well my reason for calling isss,  I miss you. We had such less time to catch up before you left.... Can't a friend call his friend when he misses her?" Juyeon said, in a tone that confused Chaerin.