My cuts and bruises are healing fairly quickly, and now that it doesn't hurt too badly to walk around, I have free reign of the tower. Any time I have an opportunity to be alone with Yelena, I find myself incapable of avoiding it. Luckily, I haven't been alone with her for more than a few minutes, but every time, I'm forced to watch myself try to hurt her. I'm doing squats when Johnny comes in and waves at me urgently. I take my headphones off.
"Hey, there's been an accident on the Golden Gate bridge, we're heading out to help. Yelena's gonna stay with you." NO!
"Great! Stay safe!" Fuck me. He turns and runs out as quickly as he came in, and I clean myself up before heading upstairs. I attempt to lock myself in my room to take a shower, hoping I can avoid being close to her for a few hours, but of course, I can't stop myself from going to look for her. She's in the kitchen, watching a tablet with the team's vitals displayed on it. "Keeping an eye on your girl?" I ask, trying to slow myself down. I feel myself gravitating toward the kitchen knives.
"I have to know she's safe." She looks at me guiltily. "I have to know you're safe too, that's why I volunteered to stay." The pang in my chest brings tears to my eyes. She looks back at the tablet, and I feel my fingers close around a knife handle. I watch myself swing at her, but she catches my casted arm. "What the fuck?" She looks at me, bewildered, and I feel myself drop the knife into my other hand and attempt again to stab her. "Y/n! Stop!" I try to say that I can't, that I'm not doing this, but the words won't form.
"I have to!" I somehow blurt out, and she manages to get the knife away from me.
"You have to do what? Kill me?" She slams me into the counter and puts pressure on my broken arm. I can't respond. My arm shoots pain, and I focus on it, trying to get myself to stop, but I watch myself, horrified, as I re-break my own arm and continue to attack her. I screech in pain, and she looks at me with genuine fear in her eyes before steeling herself and fighting me back full out. She grabs my hair and slams my head onto the counter, and my vision goes black.
"What do you mean, she attacked you?" I hear Kate squeak, waking me up.
"She tried to kill me. Said she had to." Yelena insists, and I feel hot shame burning through me. I look down to see that I'm tied to a hospital bed. Good. My arm has been re-casted.
"I did," I call over to them. I wait for them both to come closer before attempting to talk again. The only thing that makes it out is a guttural moan from the effort.
"Why do you have to?" Kate asks me, and I can't answer. I try to say Val and I just choke. My eyes well up as my jaw clenches. Love that she can't affect my tears. Super cute for me. "Yelena, do you see that?" Kate gestures at my eyes.
"I do. Y/n, are you in control of yourself right now?"
"Part." I grit out, and she nods. Steps closer. Leans down over me. My arms struggle at the restraints against my will, and a whimper escapes my lips.
"Now?" She whispers in my ear, and My body practically convulses, trying to get to her. "I'll take that as a no." She stands back up and looks at Kate. My body calms down a little bit.
"What was that?" Kate looks between us,horrified.
"I don't know why I didn't notice it before. I've helped hundreds of women get free of this." Yelena sighs and runs a hand through her hair. Kate gasps with realization.
"Chemical Subjugation?" she asks both of us, and Yelena nods. I try to answer as well, but I can only say 'torture'. "Fuck, y/n," Kate sighs.
"Please," I smirk, and Yelena laughs.
"Only you would say something like that in this situation," she chortles, and Kate cuts her a glance.
"It's about all I can say," I shrug. Not much else makes it past Val's filter. I look at Kate, who looks like she's about to crack. "Katie. Please." I try to reach for her, and she comes over, taking my hand. I don't know how to fix this.
"Yelena, do you have any of the antidote you used to help her before?" Kate's eyes don't leave my face.
"I doubt it would work. This is- different." the reply comes softly. "Maybe I can call Melina." I look at Yelena, now on the opposite side of the room, and I can speak a little more freely. My body's less prepared to strike.
"I'm sorry, Lena," I manage, and she closes her eyes. Fuck, the pang in my chest kills.
"You haven't called me that in a long time," she mumbles, and Kate squeezes my hand. She goes to untie me, and I panic internally. Outwardly, I hear myself thank her.
"Y/n. I am not going to leave you alone with Yelena. I promise." This time, the thanks is genuine. "I know you don't want to hurt her."
"Katie-" I cut off, and hug her tightly.
"We'll fix this," Kate whispers into my hair. "We'll fix you." I nod into her shoulder, crying softly. When I look up, Yelena meets my eyes. My arms tighten around Kate involuntarily, and I panic again.
"I'm going to call Melina." Yelena slips out of the room, and my muscles relax.
"I know you can't talk about what happened, but can you tell me what you feel right now?" Kate holds me at arms length and searches my eyes.
"Scared." I surprise myself.
"How do you feel about Yelena?"
"I love her," I blurt out. Kate's eyes widen. "I- uh. I didn't think I could say that." I feel my face turn red.
"Okay, uh," Kate blinks. "How about me?"
"Why is that relevant?"
"Val doesn't want me dead?" The mention of Val has me struggling to speak again.
"No. Just Yelena." I pull out of her grasp. "She betrayed her."
"Do you only lose control when you're close to her?"
"No." I grit my teeth. "Dangerous."
"You are? Or this line of questioning?" Kate watches as I lose the ability to speak again, my jaw clamped shut. "Okay, so anything that we don't already know, you can't speak about. You can't say anything that might help us help you, or anything that'll hurt Val. That's my assumption." I struggle to find something to say that'll unlock my jaw. My thoughts are spiraling.
"I'd like to take a nap." I finally say, managing to think of something other than Yelena.
"I'll keep watch over you," She offers, and we head to my room.
