Elle and the Exchange Student

Chapter 2

Elle's Point of View:

Just then, time seemed to pause as he and I locked eyes for the first time.

And just as fast time was moving at its normal pace again and our little moment was gone. If it was 'our moment' to begin with. For what it seems it did not affect him in anyway but the same couldn't be said about me.

It's stupid really but I was most definitely affected. It is not like what happened a minute ago was some kind of earth-shattering life changing experience. I'm just not used to male contact of any kind. Like this eye-locking thing was the most action I've gotten in years. It's quite pathetic actually but also it is mostly by my own choice.

I have been doing a pretty good job with distancing myself from people. Fannie and Delilah are the only two people I interact with at school. And since Delilah started going out with Elliot about six months ago, I've tried my best to befriend him as well.

I get super anxious in social situations. The fear of being judged or embarrassed gets so bad I've learned that it is better to avoid social interactions as much as possible.

So to the outside world I come across as a shy and awkward girl and for the most part that is who I am. But when I am with my friends, or with people I'm comfortable with though there aren't many, I am my true bubbling self. I can be loud, funny and spontaneous even when I'm around the right people.

So locking eyes with this Korean badboy is a big deal for a girl like me. So big of a deal apparently that I feel myself blushing. Like my life couldn't get any worse I'm blushing because of a quick meaningless eye contact!

Luckily the school bell brings me out of my own head saving me from overthinking this any further. I'm already so embarrassed. Seems like I've been totally out of it for the rest of the class because I didn't even notice that the new students had found seats and the lecture had continued.

Also to my surprise Dae-Jung and Damiàn are seated at the last free double desk right next to me and Delilah. In front of us Tilda has found a place beside Fannie. I guess Fannie being the Student President she was in charge of welcoming new students and that means our girl group would be stuck with the new trio until they feel comfortable enough in their new surroundings.

This idea both scares and fascinates me. It means I would probably have to talk to them. I mean obviously that is what it means but I'm just not sure if I'm ready for it. To engage in small talk or tell them things about myself for them to get to know me.

On the other hand, would it be nice to possibly become friends with the two hottest guys in school! And Tilda of course, she seems genuinely nice person. Also a bit shy, maybe, but in a cool Scandinavian way. We have that in common because I too am shy, but not in a cool way. I am anything but cool.

Once again I was pulled out of my thoughts when Delilah taps me on my shoulder. Only then I realise that the classroom is already empty, me and Delilah being the only ones left. Gosh, I have to stop zoning out like this.

Delilah gives me questioning look but I ignore it and after gathering my stuff I make my way out of the room. Fannie and the new trio, that's what I'm going to be calling them from now on, are waiting for us in the hallway.

When we reached them I kept my head down looking at my feet like they were the most interesting thing in the universe. I wasn't mentally prepared for this to happen - conversation with new people, I mean. Normally, I would need a week of preparation in advance.

I hear Delilah introducing herself beside me and I can already feel my heart beating faster and my hands getting sweaty. I look at her and see that her mouth is moving but I can't hear a word.

This seriously can't be happening! Like this is going to be their first impression of me, and here I am having a panic attack. Me overthinking this isn't helping at all. In fact having been in therapy I know what I am supposed to do in a situation like this.

Breath.

In slowly and gently through your nose while counting to five. Then slowly and gently breath out through your mouth, again count to five.

But right now I'm not sure which one would be more embarrassing, me having a serious panic attack or me doing stupid breathing exercises in front of everyone.

So I decide to do neither. Then a brilliant idea pops into my head and that is to run away and hide as fast as I can. Ah, I am so smart sometimes. So that's what I did right there right then. I ran.

And after probably five steps I realised that this is the single stupidest fucking thing one could do but it is way too late to turn back now. So i keep running while probably bumping into other students, but I was too spaced-out to even notice or care.

I just simply needed to get away.

I think I hear my name being called behind me but I am not sure. Again, don't even care right now. This was fight or flight and I was not going to fight.

I stumble my way into the bathrooms and immediately collapse to the floor. I can hear the door open and close twice and suddenly I feel presence on both sides of my body. I don't have to look to know that it's Delilah and Fannie. Delilah rubs my back gently as Fannie takes my face in both of her hands.

"Shhh baby, you're safe now" Fannies said, trying to calm me down. They have done this million times before and they are good at it. And that's all it takes for me to completely break down and start crying.

I don't know how long we sat there on the disgusting bathroom floor in each others arms but I know that the bell has already rung and we are all late for next period. Neither of them seem to care and I love them for it. They are the greatest friends anyone could ask for.

"Thank you" Is all I managed to say once I'm fully calmed down.

"Don't worry about it" Delilah said, getting up and holding her hand out for me to take. Once we are all up, the girls pull me into a bone crushing hug.

"I'm so sorry Elle. I should have realised that introducing yourself to them would be difficult and distressing for you. I was just so excited. I am so so sorry"

Fannie in genuinely sorry and I know it. It only makes me feel worse about myself, to know just how broken and flawed I am, not being able to have a normal conversation.

"It's not your fault Fannie, it's okay" I tried to reassure her but I know it's no use. She feels guilty and I feel terrible.

"Are you though? Okay, I mean?" Delilah is not convinced and neither is Fannie, I can see it clearly in their eyes and I don't blame them. I know I'm not okay. But I don't think I ever will be so I just have to accept that.

I try to give them my best 'I am fine'- smile hoping they would drop it and not question me further. I wash my red and puffy face with ice-cold water in a desperate attempt to look somewhat like a living creature.

We decided to skip the current class because we're already so late. So we head towards our cafeteria because it's going to be lunch break next anyway.

Sitting down at our usual table, all I can think about is what the new trio must think of me after such an episode.