jokes collection 4

jokes 2

camerOOn: why'd you give bean a knife?

Olive: she felt unsafe.

camerOON: now i feel unsafe!

Olive: i'm sorry.

Olive:

Olive: would you like a knife?

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inkchronos: i should've left you on the street corner where you were standing.

joven: but you didn't!

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chuakip: physically, yes, i could fight a bird, but emotionally? imagine the toll!

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chuakip: is your flute at school?

bean:

chuakip: we have band practice today, you know.

bean: i- i knew that.

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TurtleKnight: want some leftovers?

saltyNate: what are those?

TurtleKnight: you've never had leftovers?

saltyNate: no, because i'm not a quitter.

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chatnoob2: chuakip, you look deep in thought. what's wrong?

chuakip: did you know you can look at any object and know what it's like to lick it? even if you've never touched it before?

chatnoob2: i'm never asking you anything ever again.

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Mechanic: I assume you realize that this kind of idiocy will not be tolerated in this house.

joven: Is there any kind of idiocy you would be more comfortable with?

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bean: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses.

chatnoob2: This knife is actually a magic wand.

saltyNate: Meet me in the Denny's parking lot for a wizard duel.

TurtleKnight: *cocks gun* Magic missile.

adriane: What the fuck is wrong with you people.

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camerOOn: Pick a card, any card.

noonoo: Fine.

camerOOn: Wait, that's my credit card!

noonoo, sipping his coffee: You said any card.

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inkchronos: I'm naturally funny because my life is a joke.

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cart: Why aren't there friend pick up lines? Pick up lines to make friends like-

cart, to TurtleKnight: Hey, that's a cute outfit. You know where it would look better? On nobody else, because you're a beautiful individual.

bean, to chatnoob2: Be my friend or I'll set your entire family on fire.

saltyNate: There are two types of people.

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kerns: Why can't we all just get along?

savvyrat: Because most of us are assholes, kerns.

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*The squad has just arrived in a new city. TurtleKnight looks around at the wanted posters to see if they're on any of them.*

joven: TurtleKnight, are you a criminal?

TurtleKnight: Not here, I'm not!

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bean: Is anyone going to tell me what's going on in here?!

omi: It's kind of complicated, but jimothy-

bean: Got it. Forget I asked.

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joven: I eat cheerios because they're heart healthy.

joven: And my heart has been severely damaged, so bean, if you're out there—

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noonoo: Look guys, I need help.

savvyrat: Love help?

TurtleKnight: Financial help?

bean: Emotional help?

inkchronos: Help moving a body?

*Everybody looks at inkchronos*

inkchronos: What?

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TurtleKnight: Are you busy?

bean: No.

TurtleKnight: Want to do something?

bean: Why would you try to ruin this for me?

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cart: I let my cat drink the bathtub water while I was in it.

saltyNate, dressed in a priest outfit: Once again, kind of weird, but not a sin.

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kerns: I'm trying to juggle family life and work life but I can't seem to find a balance. What do you suggest I do to keep everyone happy?

chatnoob2, deadpan: Quit your job, kill your family.

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bean: Do you mind if I slyly mention that you're single?

adriane: Do not do that.

bean: You won't even notice!

noonoo, entering: adriane, you wanted to see me again?

bean: adriane's single

adriane:

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chuakip: Olive told me I was found in a KFC bucket next to a dumpster and I was rescued.

bean: You probably were.

chuakip: Oh crap, maybe that's the reason why. Maybe my lackluster feelings towards their fried chicken is because subconsciously I'm reliving the trauma whenever I see their trademark bucket. My brain and cognitive dissonance won't let me completely lie to myself and say I hate their food, because fried chicken is great and I want some now, instead it just steers me away. Thank you for helping to guide me towards this epiphany, perhaps now the healing can begin.

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bean: We call that a traumatic experience.

bean, turning to cart: Not a "bruh moment".

bean, turning to saltyNate: Not "sadge".

bean, turning to TurtleKnight: And DEFINITELY not an "oof LMAO".

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camerOON: You don't deserve me.

Olive: At your worst or your best?

camerOOn: I don't have a worst.

Olive: Because you're already at your worst?

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darkGreg: Did you ever have like a pet run away and find it or anything?

inkchronos: I had a lizard that I burnt.

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and that's a wrap