love with manipulation

Part 3

"Y/n"

I heard that...

"Curiousity can kill"

But here I am proving it...if that devil (y/d) knows I am doing something which can ruin his plan... I can be killed but does it matter to me!? Ofcourse it does... but that one person kim namjoon made me feel like it doesn't matter. He does some magic that I am forgetting everything...

-my suicide thoughts...

-my first aim in life...

-my target is his brother not him...

-I can get killed...

-I think I got dementia...

My every ability like memory, judgement, reasoning, thinking ability everything is blocked by him. He have my eyes fixed on him without doing anything and my eyes unknowingly want him to be infront of them all the time. Why!? I have no answer...

He's sitting here infront of me. Again lost in his thoughts which obviously I don't know but unexpectedly I have a desire or you can say curiosity to know his thoughts. Why!? I have no idea... I never in my 28 year's life never wanted to know someone this much as I want to know him. I lost everything including my emotions but he is bringing something in me which I thought don't even exist in me anymore without even doing anything which are called emotions...

Emotions which was only a word for me. I only use them against others while I was just empty, void and blank but he's bringing them in me... he's bringing emotions in me which I thought were lost but they were just buried deep inside my heart. No one dared to bring them up but him...

He's the first person to bring them up... Making me realise I didn't lost them I am not void. This doesn't seems right but at the same time my heart says completely opposite. My mind is continuously warning me bcz emotions are weakness and I can't have them. I always used them to manipulate others...

Emotions like love, desire, lust, sympathy, curiosity, humanity, anger, sadness, attachment, pain etc etc etc. but the emotion I have for him is curiosity which is turning into addiction this is the only emotion I have right now... Right now is a word which is bothering me the most at the same time making me have a weird feeling which I don't know. I don't want other emotions to be out but Kim namjoon... He is a threat to me...

"A life threat"

which I am addicted to unknowingly... Why!? How!? I got addicted I myself didn't realised...

He's no one to me or in my life. But he's becoming something to me Which I don't know what!? I don't know... Maybe it's curiousity but he's making space not only in my life but also in my mind and heart.

But this is not the thing I am bothered about but the thing...

I don't know the limit to which I can go for this curiosity. The limit to know Kim namjoon... To know his thoughts. But can I!?

I don't know...

"Kim namjoon"

Different day but same thoughts. Thoughts in which I have her. Thoughts is only where I feel her presence other than my paintings. I am here in restaurant having my meal and but the thing I am wondering is what she must be doing...