The nights I'm left alone - (johnnie guilbert x jake webber) (DISCONTINUED)

1

Johnnie lay on his back flat against his messy, undone bed, gaze fixated blankly on the dimly lit ceiling of his bedroom. His black hair dishevelled and sticking out in different directions, falling over his dull blue eyes. His body was completely still, if not for the slow rise and fall of his chest, he'd probably appear dead to anyone that walked in right now.

He was fine yesterday, and the past few months leading up to it. And nothing had happened to trigger it, it just crept up on him and attacked out of nowhere. Like an invisible predator stalking it's prey. A killer. He'd much rather die and suffer in silence than tell anyone, of course. He'd much rather spend his nights wide awake in anxiety and paranoia, days in a depressive slump that made him feel as if death was the best option for him, than tell anyone. He'd never ask for help. If anyone asked, he was fine. Great.

Maybe he would be fine though. Maybe he could just sleep it off...like a fever.

Johnnie wished that it was something as simple as that. A fever. Something he could take some medicine for, rest for 2-3 days and feel better again.

But no, this was much more deadly than a fever. It would last weeks if not months, and exhaust him more than he ever thought was even possible. It would leave him weak and vulnerable. Scared. Scared of it happening again, because for some reason, it always did.

He should've gotten used to it by now, surely. He knew the cycle. Like a work routine, he knew the warning signs of it getting worse, he knew that if it got to the point where he fell back into old habits, there would be no getting out of it peacefully, if he made it out at all. The last time this happened he was completely alone. Sure, he had a few friends but not anyone close, so nobody really noticed. The difference between now and then is that now he did have someone. He had a best friend, a roommate. Someone he lived with, someone that was impossible to avoid no matter how hard he would try. And if he did try, they would notice it right away.

This time, he'd have to do things a little differently, hide it, fake it. Can't be that hard, right?

With a heavy sigh, Johnnie pushed himself up into a sitting position with the little strength he had left, swinging his legs over the side of his bed and just staying like that for a moment, staring into thin air, eyes cloudy with exhaustion.

A soft knock came on the door, breaking Johnnie out of his trance - like state he was in. A familiar voice sounded from outside his room,"Johnnie, you awake?" It asked quietly. Johnnie knew he should reply, afterall he hadn't left his room all day. But it was almost like his voice wouldn't cooperate with his brain. His mouth wouldn't move to make a sound, his throat closed up as he tried.

There was a moment of silence before the door opened slowly with a small 'click' and a head poked through the gap.

Johnnie looked at it, "hey, Jake." he finally managed to choke out, covering his cracked up voice with a forced smile.

Jake just blankly stared for a moment, debating whether or not he should point out how blatantly obvious it was to him that something was wrong. He decided to settle on a simple smile back, stepping carefully into the room, making sure he wouldn't do or say something that would make this situation worse.

"Hi." He says, shifting weights from one foot to the other, gaze travelling awkwardly around Johnnie's room,"Uhm..." he clears his throat quietly, eyes dropping down to his feet as he thinks of what to say,"watcha doing..?"

Johnnie blinks, noticing the awkward tone to his voice. He sighs, realising that hiding it from Jake might not be so easy after all. He's probably already noticed. Still, he won't mention it. If Jake won't either, he'll hopefully be able to avoid talking about it completely and just get over it on his own, like always. It's what he was used to.

"Nothing just, took a nap." Johnnie states flatly.

Jake nods slowly,"okay."

That's it? Johnnie thinks, still sitting in that same legs over the mattress position. He hasn't moved. He can feel the awkward tension in the air and he hates it, he desperately hopes Jake will either start an actual conversation or leave. But the silence just kept on dragging, with only the overwhelmingly loud tik tok of the clock over it. It made Johnnie wish he was deaf, he's heard too much of that sound lately. He was sick of it.

Eventually, Jake does speak up, the blank look wiped off his face as he does,"wanna go eat somewhere? I'm hungry." he offers lightly.

A smile grazes Johnnie's face, an actual one this time as he huffs out a chuckle and stands up, taking a second to find his balance, "yeah, c'mon." he agrees, glad of an opportunity to finally get out of these cursed 4 walls he's been stuck in all day. And besides, he was kind of hungry himself, he wouldn't mind having something to eat.

Jake grins at that, "alright, meet me at the door when you're ready." he tells Johnnie, leaving the room so he would have some privacy and get ready.

Johnnie nods as he rummages through his cupboards for clothes to wear. Despite it being 8pm, he was still in his pj's since yesterday.

*

J0hnnie spots Jake already waiting at the door once he's done, in his shoes and ready to go. He smiles sheepishly, realising that he probably took ages. He slips his shoes on quickly.

"You take longer to get ready than a girl." Jake teases, smirking. Johnnie rolls his eyes playfully, slapping him on the shoulder,"shut up."

"Ready to go?" Jake opens the door, letting Johnnie step out first before following after him and into the car, he gets in the driver's seat and starts up the engine."I still don't understand how you're 26 and don't have a licence."

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opinions on first chapter?? feel free to correct me on any grammar/spelling mistakes etc.

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