hell bound with you || jjk x reader ||

chapter : 02

As she left the city, YN's mind began to wonder.

Sher was already 22 and stll never had a boyfriend. She grew up within a peaceful, loving family, and she had grown up into a really good girl. Some even compared her to an untainted snow, well mannered and pure but most mocked her, calling her, miss good-two-shoes or little miss priss.

As she was growing up, yn had gotten used to other people mocking her but her grandparents always encouraged and adviced her to not let the water around her enter her ship, otherwise, she would drown. She had been raised to keep a positive mindset and she herself decided that there is no way she would let those kinds of people drown her.

She had a reason for why she never had a boyfriend in her 22 years of existence. When she was 17, she realized that she had developed a trauma-- she was afraid of having someone fall in love with her.

Yn had witnessed just how much her father suffered day by day, even years after her mother died. It was unbearable for her to even watch him. Her father loved her mother so much that even after nearly two decades death, she still saw her dad crying at night, looking at his wife's photo. She had seen just how pain full it was to lose someone you loved through her father-- it was nothing but torture. She even once heard her father saying that he didn't feel alive anymore since that day her mother died. She knew that her father was only holding on because of her.

Years after her mother's death, yn was diagnosed with the same Illness that killed her mother. It appeared that she inherited the illness from her mother and since then, she'd been battling with it. She was only 17 at that time and she knew that just like her mother she only had 5 more years to live.

That's why she always rejected the boys who showed any interest in her. There were a few of them but her fear would always be triggered specially when someone confessed to her. All could she say to them was ' sorry' due to that, yn avoided boys as much as she could. She even purposely dressed quite unfashionabl in order to become less attractive.

However, as years passed by, yn started to question herself. ' will I die just like this?! '

The desires that she had been suppressing all this time were getting out of control. She had been dreaming of wanting to experience how it would feel like to love someone. She wanted to know how it would feel to have butterflies in one's stomach. And how it would feel to kiss and embrace that person you loved with all your heart, romantically. She had read many readnovelfulls and she couldn't help and wish she could atleast experience this so called love before she die. That was her only wish---to fall in love. To find someone she could fall in love with.

But she was torn. She was afraid and worried sick. She didn't want to leave someone behind to suffer when she was gone. She didn't want anyone to experience the loose and pain her father was going through until now.

For years, she'd be thinking about it and she thought she had already accepted her faith but now but that her due date was getting closer, the desire in her heart only kept on getting stronger. So she decided to be brave and try her best to make her wish come true with the little time she had left.

The only way she could think of to full fill her wish was - to find a man whom she could fall in love with but would never fall in love with her. She had heard and read stories about one sided love. She had heard and read that, that kind of love was excruciatingly painfull but...... She is still wanted it.

If this was the only way for her to experience falling in love. She would be willing to throw herself in it, even if it meant being hurt. She thought that she could handle the pain of loving someone who didn't love her back more, then dying without knowing what love Felt like at all. Perhaps, she was thinking about the quote she once read when she was 18 that said " it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. "

Yn once anonymously shared her situation online and asked about what to do.her thread garnered lots of attention and different contradicting reactions occurred.

" Since you don't want someone to fall in love with you, then why don't you go and pick a random bad guy? I mean, there are a lot of jerks and heartless idiots out there who only know how to break hearts. " Was one of the advice she wanted to try. But what if that supposedly heartless someone would fall for her in the end?!

Yn still had a one year left.

She was doing fine for now. The people around her, except her family didn't even know that she was sick. But her mother was like this back then, too. Yn somehow knew that her health would start to worsen in the fifth year - this year. She could even foresee that she might have to start going back and forth from the hospital in the next month for two. She was aware that she didn't have much time left.

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