Secret Love - A Maylor Tale

When Will I See You Again - 1974

Song Suggestion - When Will I See You Again? by Three Degrees

'Are we in love or just friends?
Is this my beginning or is this the end?'

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Roger sat in the park and slumped down on the bench.  Sitting and watching as people strolled by.  Women with small children and an older couple walking their dog.   People on their lunch break from a traditional daytime job moving quickly as they rushed back to the office or shop.  

He took a drag from his cigarette and envied them all for a moment.  They led ordinary lives.  They were unremarkable and generally knew what their futures held.  Work, marriage, children, retirement, death.  Nothing too extraordinary.

At this moment Roger wished his life was that way.  Predictable.  He took a drag from his cigarette as he considered his life had been far from predictable.  Especially since he came to London and met Brian.  It had been anything but dull and ordinary.

This entire year had felt like a rollercoaster.  The growing popularity of the band.  The first American tour.  These were certainly highs for him.  He included his affair with Brian in that category as well.  Their time together as lovers had been thrilling and illicit.  

What had not been a high for him was the conflict he felt sleeping with his band mate and close friend.  Something they had kept from everyone save for Freddie.  Something they had certainly not shared with their girlfriends.  Roger had lost count of the conversations he and Brian had over what to do about their growing feelings for each other and how that fit into their lives.  What the future was for them.  

That future had felt in total jeopardy as Brian was taken to emergency surgery four weeks ago. Roger still shuddered at the notion of having your abdomen sliced open and your insides rearranged and repaired.  He remembered being in the waiting room with Chrissie and trying to keep his shit together and be supportive.  Trying to ignore the palpable guilt he felt as she wept over her boyfriend's crisis.  His secret boyfriend's crisis.

With a deep sigh Roger pulled himself from the park bench.  Smashing out his cigarette against the metal frame and tossing the stubb in the nearby bin.  He walked the short distance to his flat and went inside.  Checking his watch as he knew Jo would be home soon.  They would eat something together and then he would head off for the studio as she winded down and prepared for bed.  Her job having an early start every day.

He had come to realize that they kind of lived separate lives.  Hers was entwined in her job and her small group of friends.  A routine of rising early and working all week.  Seeing friends in the evenings and doing her washing every Sunday morning.  His life had slowly become something else entirely.  One with a varied schedule and one that often took him away from home.  From Jo.  For weeks on end.  His washing was done in sinks in hotel rooms when he had a spare moment.  Roger felt far from domesticated as he stepped into the flat and found a note from Jo he had missed that morning.  One asking him to tidy up and pick up some milk when he was out.  It also reminded him how much money Jo needed to cover the monthly expenses.  Expecting him to pay for half.  

Roger sighed as he went and scraped up some money from his half empty carryall he used on tour and a tin box he stashed money in at the bottom of his side table.  Managing to find enough to leave Jo for bills and to cover the cost of some milk and their fish and chips dinner from the shop down the street.  He locked the flat and headed for King's College Hospital.  Visiting hours were starting soon.

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"What are those?"  Chrissie asked Brian as she sat in the chair next to his hospital bed.  She had noticed a stack of mail tied with a string.  It was on his bedside table.