Tʜᴇ Pᴀᴛʜ Tᴏ Hɪɢʜɢᴀᴛᴇs

Tʜᴇ Dᴇᴀᴛʜ Oғ Gᴏᴅ

Cʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 51

There was no reply.

Not that you were expecting one.

On the count of three, you held your breath, and pushed the door open.

There was Reich, seated on his bed, facing the door— arms crossed. It was obvious he had heard your exchange with Soviet. "Vat's zo important vu vanted to talk to me about, und don't even zink about opening vith ein apology, I don't need to hear one."

The breath you held let loose. You stopped breathing altogether. There were thoughts that came into your head, over and over, but you couldn't make sense of any of them. Whatever you wanted to say seemed to have left you. You stood there like a deer in headlights, staring into the bulk of your doom, head low, spirits lower.

You weren't sure why you had been so anxious. Had you known he wouldn't want an apology, maybe it wouldn't have been so bad. The hard part was admitting you were in the wrong. But he didn't want that from you— least of all yourself. It should have been easy now. As the rain sounded softer and warmer, the slightest of rays shattering through the guts of clouds. But you found it wasn't. You stood there in silence for a moment too long— Reich's white eyes expectant and his fingers taunt to his shirt. "Well, I—" You didn't know. It was stupid— your curiosity.

All this time you were nothing but intrusive. Who were you to even think you deserved to know? It wasn't your place— nowhere was. "I— I'm not sure." Was all you could answer.

Reich huffed, turning to stare away from you, like he wanted you out his sight. "Did vu forget vat Pruzia told vu to zay to me?" He sneered, tightening his grip on his arms. His eyes watering— the solace of recognition that you had deeply hurt him. "No, he didn't say anything to me, really, he didn't."

But Reich didn't seem to believe you. He shook more and breathed deeper, like he was a moment away from breaking down. You could see him crumble, his shoulders rising, legs bouncing with apprehension. "I don't believe vu."

The window shuttered under the pale of the light shower. The wind whistled, you weren't sure what to do now. You hadn't exactly thought it out. The disgust of seeing the Empire gushing lines of blood had driven you to seek an answer, a curiosity that only made sense whilst you felt it. But you knew now, curiosity will always kill the cat.

"I'm sorry." Was all you found you could say. Low and sincere from the back of your throat, croaking into the silence that prevailed even after you said it. Reich didn't reply, your head dropped down and eyes shut tight— if you could pinch yourself now, you would have loved to wake up. You couldn't face him, you wouldn't stand by and watch as he struggled not to come undone and succumb to the misery you aided him in building. You couldn't face your own mistakes.

"Vat do vu vant?" Reich finally spat. Hands shaking— voice unsteady and balanced between his own anger and loathing. You felt stupid standing there, head down, eyes closed— the hammering of the rain drilling through what little thoughts you had left to think. Your chest rattled as you breathed, you could hear your heart in your palms and feel your blood in your stomach. You felt sick suddenly, you felt small and judged. You didn't even care about knowing anymore. You didn't have a right to. You didn't deserve to.

You brought a shaky breath in— your throat cramping and refusing to breathe, swallowing hard on itself, forcing you to clear it and attempt to speak. "I— listen I'm really sorr—"

"I told vu I don't vant to hear it. If zat's all vu came for zen leave." Reich snapped— stopping you dead in your tracks, your throat clenching again and choking you. Your eyes began to water as the internal fear that this was it began to set in. In just a minute, in a single night, you had destroyed your relationship with him. It would never be the same. And you were scared that, without him to talk with, you would lose your humanity to yourself. A man without the freedom of mind is hardly a man at all. You didn't want to live in a world where you did the same thing every day— over and over— all day the same. All the while losing yourself to the silence and rise of the walls around you. You didn't want to end up like the Empire.