Sunbeam

15) Defeat

"Kez, I need to talk to you," Bea states, entering the blacksmiths, "Kez?"

"Everything alright?" Kezia asks, walking out of the storage room in just her work trousers and a vest, Beatrice just stares at her for a moment, her eyes raking over Kez, over the individual muscles in her arms, over the beads of sweat dripping down the side of her face. It truly was a beautiful image, and mentally she makes the note that she should have visited Kez at work more often.

"You just walk around like that?" Beatrice responds.

"Why? Is it doing something for you?" Kez laughs, winking at her.

"This is serious, Kez, I truly do have to talk to you," Bea states, "and it's not going to be fun for either of us."

"Okay, I have to tell you something too," Kez says, walking around the counter to change the sign to closed.

"What do you have to tell me?" Bea asks.

"I guess I'm going first then," Kezia says, pulling up a chair for Bea to sit on, "I spoke to the woman."

"I know you did," Bea responds confused.

"No, I spoke to her again, speak to her quite often actually. I asked if she cared about people knowing, she said no," Kez states.

"Is this you trying to prove a point?" Beatrice asks.

Kez shakes her head, "no, I just feel I should tell you who it is, and something happened yesterday, and I know I shouldn't but I feel guilty about it, even though I know I've done nothing wrong."

"I-um, I was at her apartment again yesterday, nothing happened between us, but I did have to take my top off in front of her, and it just felt wrong, and I feel guilty about it," Kezia says.

"Okay," Bea says, it wasn't easy to hear that Kezia was spending time with the woman she slept with, but she also knew Kez shouldn't feel guilty. Kezia owed her nothing.

"Bea, it's Grace," Kezia states.

"As in the Grace I work with?" Bea questions, and Kez nods, "that Grace."

"Kez, you don't need to feel guilty about anything that happened, you've done nothing wrong," Bea states, "Tess spoke to me, said you thought my agreeing with Ada the other day was a test. It wasn't. I genuinely think you need to be with someone else, we need to let go, Kez."

"I know," Kezia says, "but it's hard... to let go, to not feel guilty. But I also know that unfortunately there's no changing your mind. That nothing I can say or do will change anything. I think that's what hurts the most."

"It's hard for me too, Kez, I wish it wasn't like this," Beatrice replies, "and I'm so sorry for ever putting you in this position knowing I'll never be able to give you what you need."

Kez didn't even bother to say that Bea was all she needed. She'd gone without acknowledging feelings for long enough. She could carry on. She knew it wouldn't change anything.

"This is it, Kez, for real," Beatrice states, "maybe we exist in another world, but we don't on this one. As much as it hurts, we have to let go. Be with someone who can give you what you need... try it with Grace if you need to. Get me out of your system."

"I might learn to let go, but I'll never forget you," Kez says, "you know that, right? I can't forget you. I might  move on someday, but I'll never forget."

Bea smiles sadly tears in her eyes, standing up, and embracing Kezia, "I'm going to miss you."

"I'll always be right here," Kezia promises, her arms wrapping around Beatrice as the younger woman cries onto her shoulder, "be happy, Bea, that's all I want for you."

"You deserve the world, Kezia Shelby, and no matter how much I want to, I cannot give it to you," Beatrice says, glad that she could just hold Kez one last time. This was it. She couldn't take any of this back. This was their closure. They'd both have to let go, and move on.

"No more talking," Kez whispers, "please just don't say another word."

-

"I've had a long day; whatever the two of you are arguing about, leave me out of it," Kezia groans, seeing Tommy and Polly in the middle of an intense 'debate'.

"Ada and Freddie are getting married and having a baby?" Tommy says, "and you didn't fucking tell me."

"I said leave me out of it," Kezia responds.

"Did Freddie listen?" Polly queries, and Kez shakes her head, "no, he didn't listen."

"Rumours are, they got married today," Polly hums.

"Okay," Kez shrugs.

"Okay? That's all you have to say?" Polly questions bluntly.

"What the fuck else do you want me to say?" Kez exclaims, "we've lost Ada, okay? I've lost Ada and I've lost- I told you, I've had a long day, I just want to go to sleep. We can argue about whatever the fuck you want to argue about tomorrow."

"I don't want to argue with you about anything, I want to know what the next step is," Polly states.

"Stanley Chapman," Kezia responds.

"What?" Tommy asks.

"Freddie wants to play stupid games, he'll win stupid fucking prizes," Kezia states, "Stanley Chapman is his superior, he's been given two hundred pounds by the Russian government. Tell Campbell that's who he should go after, just keep him the fuck away from Ada and her child."

"Freddie gave him up?" Polly inquires, and Kez shakes her head, pouring herself a drink, "Freddie forgot to close his journal."

"When did you find out about Ada and Freddie?" Tommy asks.

"I've known for a while," Kezia states, "Shelbys have a habit of going for friends, eh?"

It was like a little triangle, Kezia was in love with Bea, Ada's closest friend. Ada was in love with Freddie, who used to be Tommys closest friend. And Tommy was in some form of entanglement with Theresa, Kez's closest friend. None of them had the right to be annoyed at each other given that they were all doing the exact same thing.

"Is that all? Can I go now?" Kezia questions.

"It's all for now," Polly states, sharing a look with Tommy as Kezia makes her way up the stairs. Kez had always been relatively grumpy and moody, but at least they could see a glimpse of enjoyment and happiness in her eyes. Standing in front of them just now, she looked dull. Her eyes lacked the sarcastic attitude that they'd all learned to embrace. She looked... defeated.