Sunbeam

5) Unrequited Love

"I wish you were a boy," Bea admits, a tear slipping from her eye as she stares at Kez, "gosh, if only you were a boy. I'd say it back without a care in the world."

Pain was displayed on Kez's face as she takes a step back, shaking her head in disbelief, "if only, eh?"

When she softly laughed, it was humourless. They'd been fooling around for over a year, she would've been fine if she'd heard this at the beginning. But to be told that right after confessing her love, her heart felt like it was on fire, like the words had burned a hole right through it.

"Why is it me that has to change?" Kezia asks, "if only I was a boy? What fucking bullshit, Bea. I think it's rather if only you could let yourself love me. I know that you love me, even if you don't want to."

"I can't love you, I can't do it, please don't ask me to," Bea pleads, clutching onto Kezia's hands, "I've come to terms with being physical with a woman, I haven't with being emotionally attached to a woman."

"And you've been telling me I made you feel like a toy," Kez scoffs.

"I can't love you," Bea repeats.

"You didn't say don't," Kezia acknowledges, "you said that you can't love me not that you don't."

"It makes no difference, please do not ask this of me," Bea whispers.

"I won't," Kezia says, and Bea leans up to softly press their lips together, Kezia indulges for a moment before pulling back, "you didn't let me finish, I won't ask you to love me, if you don't ask me to stay. Because that is something I can't do. Whether you like it or not, Bea, I am in love with you, if you deny yourself my love, I can't continue with what we've been doing."

"Can't continue? Are you breaking up with me?" Bea asks.

"Bea, we're not breaking up, we can't break up if we were never together. And we can't have been together if you can't love me," Kezia shrugs.

"I'm just not ready," Bea states.

"Will you ever be ready? I'm not asking you to come out to everyone if you don't want to, the only people that know about us are Tommy and Theresa, that doesn't have to change," Kez pleads, "I'm asking you to tell me you love me. It's just us back here. It'll only be me who knows."

"You said you wouldn't ask that of me," Bea sighs, hesitating, "I said I can't, Kez. I'm sorry."

"Then I can't stay," Kezia replies, "I truly hope you understand that."

Beatrice watches as Kezia turns and begins to walk away, "Kez.. Kez, wait."

She doesn't turn back around to face her, but she stops walking away.

"Kez... I care about you," Bea says.

"That's not enough... not anymore, not when I know it won't change, you'll keep saying you care but you'll never say how you actually feel," Kezia responds.

"If you know I do, why does it matter whether I say it?" Bea asks.

"I've never heard it before," Kezia admits, "not from a partner, not from my family. They tell me that their actions show it, but they don't. They don't show that they love me, and they've never said they do either. It matters because I thought that when I finally found someone to love, I just hoped they'd tell me they loved me too. I thought I'd finally found someone who could admit that they loved me. It matters that you say it because nobody in my damn life has ever told me that they love me."

"Kez, I can't," Bea says.

"Why can't you?" Kez responds, "if you're scared for people to know, they won't know. But why can't you tell me you love me when it's just the two of us?"