Running In Circles || Nicholas Ruffilo

nine

Cassidy

I waltz back into the bar with Nicholas at my side, feeling tougher than I ever have in my life. I have just defended myself from... God knows.

"A shot of Jameson, please," I breathe out when I get to the bar, to which the bartender looks at me curiously, and I can only imagine how I look.

"Two," Nick says quickly, turning to me once the bartender goes to do their job. He remembers to drop his hand, gesturing for the open bar stools that were in front of us. I just nod and sit down, the bartender placing the shot glasses down in front of us. Nick gives him his card to open a tab, and we cheers the shot glasses and knock them back quickly and wordlessly, making me notice my split knuckles. "So, what now?"

"What do you mean?" I ask. I can't pinpoint a mood, I'm neither happy nor mad, just... numb.

"Do you want to stay out or go home or...?" he trails off, and I know what he means. He knows I'd probably want a companion.

"I want to stay out a little longer," I say honestly. He nods and turns forward in a way that I can tell he doesn't agree, but that he's along for the ride. "You guys didn't really have to do all of that, but I appreciate it."

He turns back to me with a swiftness. "Didn't have to-- what do you mean?" He inches his face forward sharply to get my attention, but I don't give it to him.

"I had it. I mean I appreciate it, but I had it handled," I said, giving the bartender a signal to get us another round of shots.

"Right, so if he would have gotten back up--"

"Please, he wasn't getting back up. You saw him, and he was doing that even before he knew you were there," I pointed out. The bartender places down the next round, which I eagerly take.

"Slow down, you have no food in you," he gripes, making me roll my eyes. "You're so exhausting," he mutters, taking his shot. My eyes go wide, finally craning to look at him. He catches the bartender and signals to close his tab, signing it as soon as he puts the check down and tipping them well.

"Excuse me?" I snap at him.

"I thought I had broken through to you, but you just keep doing that fucking thing where you don't want to let anyone in." He was well in my face at this point, keeping things quiet to try and not draw attention to us, but the tension was so palpable that that was an impossible task. "Go ahead, dig your hole deeper. You know where to find me, but I cannot stand idly by while you keep pushing me out. I want to help you, and I'm so, so sorry for everything that has happened to you tonight, but your loneliness is going to keep fucking you over. Be safe, let me know if you need an Uber." He pushes out of the stool and leaves.

He just fucking leaves. I stare at the empty shot glasses in front of me, soaking in everything he said. Again, he's never off base when he puts me in my place, but Goddamn, it hurts. I get up and go to the bathroom, praising that it's a single stall gender neutral bathroom and just sit in the floor and cry. The music and the chatter is so loud outside that there's no way anyone can hear me, so I just let it out. I find myself bringing my knees to my chest and sobbing into my knees. He was right, I finally have people that give a fuck about me, but I couldn't be bothered to actually let them help me. I was almost raped tonight, that is fact, and he didn't have to be there for me, but he was. That was his choice, and I--

The door swings open and hits my foot, making me curse loudly at the pain that shoots into my foot. I forgot to lock the fucking door. The girl sees me and looks around like there could be someone else in here.

"I'm so sorry! Are you okay?" she's slightly slurring her words, but is still clear as day. "Do you want me to lock this?"

"Yes please, and I've been better," I say honestly because there's no way to disguise that I'm sitting here sobbing my eyes out.