Running In Circles || Nicholas Ruffilo

fourteen

Nicholas

My anxious heart couldn't take it anymore.

I couldn't take another night not knowing, regardless of the answer. I meant it when I said that I needed her, and I needed her in more ways than sexually. I wouldn't say that I'm... yunno... but that it could grow into something like that. And I don't expect her to feel that way off the bat either, but I'm really confused right now.

She rolls off of me and stares at the ceiling, the moonlight peaking through her windows being the only thing illuminating the space. I can see her eyes dancing, flickering back and forth as though she's trying to find every dot of her popcorn ceiling. She keeps starting to speak and stopping herself and I can tell that shield is starting to go up.

"It's okay," I reassure her and turn on my side away from her. I clearly blindsided her with everything tonight and she's probably really overwhelmed.

"No, Nick," she breathes out, turning on her side and rubbing my back. It makes my heart explode with a million tiny fireworks even though my body flinches at the sudden contact. "I'm just really confused is all."

"I am, too," I breathe out. I try to hide the fact that my voice cracked in the execution, but she wraps her arms around me from behind and it all goes away. She absolutely melts me.

"How about I have an answer for you in the morning? Like, we sleep on it?"

"Okay," I sigh out. "Good night."

"Good night," she mumbles, turning away from me and retreating to her own side. I close my eyes and just try to control my breathing, sleep struggling to find me.

-

The bed was empty but still warm when I woke up.

I peered around, finding my phone and seeing that it's nine in the morning, so we still have two hours before we're expected at the shop. I go to leave the bed, but the door opens further.

Cassidy is holding a tray and in the same pajamas and glasses duo as she was when I got here yesterday, adorning a grin. "Good morning, stay right there," she orders, and I sit back against the headboard with my hands up in mock surrender. She places it down on my lap and it's an array of pancakes, bacon, and eggs with a mug of coffee and a carafe of creamer.

I try to ward off the way my heart soars at the thought of any of this; I have never had anyone treat me like this. Ever. "I- thank you," I fumble out, struggling to make eye contact with her.

"Of course, give me two seconds," she says, scurrying away to the kitchen, making me chuckle, and coming back with a tray of her own and sitting next to me. I pour in a little bit of creamer in my coffee and take a sip of it.

"You didn't have to do all of this," I say to fill the silence.

"I wanted to," she reassures me. We eat breakfast in quiet contentment, and damn, she can cook. Well, at least this. But how hard is it to fuck this up? "You know how sometimes people just kind of say that it's complicated when someone asks if they're dating someone?"

My heart sinks to my stomach, making my appetite lessen. I have like three bites left so I push through. "Yeah?" I question, urging her forward.

"My journey and feelings are just really complicated right now, but I am interested in you," she clarifies, making me relax. "Can we take things slow?"

I chuckle a little, making her snap her head at me. "I'm sorry, when people say that they usually mean sexually, but we've clearly surpassed that." I dare to meet her gaze and her eyes are dancing in annoyance. "So what do you mean by going slow?"

She sighs, stabbing her piece of pancake a little harder. "That's what I've been wracking my brain about all night and morning. I don't know how to define it, but the idea of being in a relationship or like in love is terrifying to me. So... I have a bit of a mental block up."

"It really is scary. Why do you think I fled to the other side of the country?" I offer up, feeling her eyes bore into me, but I just sip my coffee.

"That's why you went?"

"For clarity, yeah. To figure out where my head was at. And to visit my best friends." And to fuck a random girl in a club, I guess, but she doesn't need to know that. I still feel slimy about that. She fucked plenty of people during this in between anyway.

"That makes so much sense," she concurred, polishing off her empty coffee mug and setting her tray at the foot of the bed.

I copy her motions and put my stuff at the end too, pivoting to my side to face her. She meets my searching eyes, her searching me right back. "I think we keep it quiet for now," I propose off the bat.

"Absolutely agreed. I don't want the guys to know yet," she concurred.

"Do you want to do date nights and stuff like that or just... this?" I ask timidly since I didn't know how to put it.

"I would like date nights, yeah," she said with a small smile.

"I'll give you all the date nights you want." I moved closer to her and kissed her softly, her eagerly responding and wrapping her arms around me to pull me closer. I can't get too wrapped up, I still have to go to my apartment. I pulled away and found myself smiling at her without realizing it. "I have to go to my place, but I fully expect Catty Cassidy when I get to the shop, okay?"

"Catty Cassidy?!" she screeched as I got out of bed giggling. "Is that what everyone calls me?!"

"No, I literally just thought of it. But it's pretty good, huh?" I asked as I pulled my pants on. She threw a pillow at my head in response, making me laugh. "Okay byeee!" I called out, opening the front door.

"Asshole!" she called out, making me laugh before closing the door.

A/N: I know it's short but it's a transitional chapter hear me outtttt