Won't Roux Be My Neighbor

White Logan's Instagram

Logan opened the door to darkness and what he assumed was an empty apartment. Switching on the light, however, he found Louise sitting on a rolling chair with her back to him.

"I found your instagram."

"I don't have an instagram," he snickered, either at the idea or the fact that she had dragged her office chair into the living room for this bit.

"Oh really," Louise swiveled to face him, holding her phone aloft with its damning evidence, "Winedrunk@420??"

The blood drained from his face. Eyes wide, he tripped through the next sentence. "That... that could be anybody."

"You're going to make me do this, huh?"

"There's not- I have no idea what you mean."

With a remorseful-but-not-at-all-remorseful sigh, Louise brought the phone back to her and swiped.

Her teeth looked sharper as she read "September 30th. A picture of wine glasses. Caption: Two years, I wish someone had told me sooner I could be this happy." Louise tapped the phone to her chin. "Hmmm, what an interesting date and relationship timeframe there. Seems... familiar."

"Oh so NOW you remember our anniversary?"

"I've always known it. I was just messing with you," she said offhandedly and swiped again. "October 27th. A picture of some VERY familiar carved pumpkins. Caption: Hers is bigger than mine and I'm trying not to take it personally #guessthatswhatIsignedupfor. You weirdo. People don't use hashtags like that."

"How would you even know?" Logan asked though he didn't care for the answer. "Give me that!"

He reached for the phone, but she yanked it out of his range and sprang from the chair, using the furniture as a block between them.

They both jerked in opposite directions, left and right and right and left, trying to guess which way the other might run.

Finally, he crouched low, pushed the chair to the ground, and leapt to his girlfriend, grabbing her around the middle to lift her into the air. Undeterred, Louise locked one leg around his waist and leaned further away. To save her from falling, Logan kept an arm tight to her hips, even as she used the foot not wrapped around him to push at his face and made it harder to keep his grip steady.

The position was confusing-it boggled the mind that they didn't go immediately tumbling to the ground-but in the moments that didn't quite make sense to others, they did their best work.

She started reading another post, evil grin growing in time with her volume.

"November 3rd! A picture of our shadows with a filter! Caption: Can you guys keep a secret? She's my everything." She slapped his hand as he reached again. "Oh my GOD, you're such a dork!"

"It is natural and NORMAL to want to save your happy memories. I know; I asked around. Hand over the phone. I'm deleting all the screenshots and going private."

"Bold of you to assume I haven't already downloaded backups to several computers."

As her words sunk in, he sighed deeply and then set her down. He fell to his knees, finally looking up at her with pleading eyes.

"Please," he said, putting his hands up in prayer. "If you truly loved me, you would just forget this whole thing."

"Oh Logan," she leaned in close, holding his chin, "if only there was someone that truly loved you."

She let go and just about skipped away, all the while cackling like a madwoman.

"Don't 'Hans' me, you bitch!" Logan yelled after her.

-

Later that evening, he was sitting on the couch and Definitely Not Sulking. Louise snickered, quietly and more to herself as she came to sit by him.

"Hey."

He turned away with a huff but let her put a hand on his shoulder.

"It's... sweet? That you filled a secret account with all your favorite sappy moments between us. I mean, kinda creepy, but sweet. And I like kinda creepy things, or I wouldn't be dating you."

Still, he didn't answer, eyes closed and pouting, much to her amusement.

"Come on, you know I'm teasing you."

She leaned in to kiss his dumb, pouty cheek.

Click!

Her eyes shot open at the sound of a phone snapping a picture. No longer a sullen expression, Logan's face had transformed into a full-blown smirk. He finally spoke.

"Guess I have a copy of your favorite sappy moment too."

By the time she registered what happened, he had already sprinted from the couch with evidence in hand, his maniacal cackle echoing down the hallway.

"LOGAN!!"

The rest of her screeching was drowned out by bounding footsteps and laughter.

December 10th.

Picture: Louise, eyes closed, kisses Logan's cheek with a small smile. Logan, eyes half-lidded, looks at her fondly.

Caption: Huh, I guess she really does love me ❤️