The Lights We Burn (tfp Knockout/Breakdown X mech!reader)[DISCONTINUED]

5: Lost in the Echo

A/n TW: HEAVY MENTAL HEALTH STUFF
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When I awoke, I found myself laying on my berth and not on the floor, my mind numb, and my optics sore from my crying. I slowly stood from my berth and went over to the washrack, drawing water from the tap and splashing it on my face. I stared into the reflection of myself, the reflections dull and distant optics staring back at me.

'Look at you.' The nagging voice of my self doubt and hatred said. 'What a mess of a bot. So helpless and weak to everything and everyone. You couldn't save your carrier, and now your sire will be lost as well.'

"Shut up." I hissed quietly to myself.

'You could have saved them both by being just a little bit stronger.'

-flashback-

"Sire! Wait!" I cried out as Megatron ran towards the flight deck and to the space bridge. "Don't go there! It's not safe!" I tried to run after him, but Soundwave stopped me and pulled me back. "No! Let me go! He's going to get himself killed!" I then saw a great explosion consume the space bridge along with the undead armada and my sire. "NO!"

-end flashback-

'You were too slow to save your carrier, and you were too weak to save your sire.' The self doubt whispered. 'They are both gone, and it is all. Your. Fault.'

"Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!" I slammed my fist into the mirror and shattered it into shards, the razor-sharp pieces slicing into my fist. Blue energon leaked from the cuts and dripped down my arm and to the sink. I pulled my fist away and sent a notification to one of the maintenence bots of the damage and stormed out of my quarters to the med bay.

"Prince Y/D?" Knockout questioned as I entered. I gave him a dead and lifeless stare before going over to the medical supplies and grabbing some cloth to clean off my cuts. Knockout paused what he was doing and went over to my side, his oddly gentle servos stopping me. I glanced at him as he unfurled my fist and inspected the cuts, carefully welding together the deeper ones and cleaning them. When he was finished, I pulled away and left just as Breakdown entered.

"He's hurting a lot." Breakdown said once I was out of audial shot. "Did you tell him about... about lord Megatron's brain activity?"

"No, but I did just treat him for some nasty cuts on his servo." Knockout said.

"The maintenence drones think he punched out a mirror." Breakdown said.

"Best to stay out of his way until he calms down."

-with Y/D-

'Failure.' Whispered the self-doubt over and over again as I stood on the edge of the flight deck and watched the world go by far below. 'It only takes one jump to end it all. You'll be happier, safer, and with your creators.'

"Shut up." I whispered.

'Why not take the fall? Feel the air run past your face? And then simply... cease to be. Just one step, and it will all die.'

"Prince Y/D." I heard starscream sneer behind me, my helm turning to look at the seeker. "You are awfully close to that edge."

"I know." I said flatly, returning my attention to the world below. Starscream stepped closer and closer to me. The entire time, I was oblivious to his intentions.

"To think that you would stand this close to the edge," he said slyly. "All it would take is one. Little. Push." I whipped around just in time to stop Starscream from pushing me over, our optics locking together in a vicious stare down.

"Don't even think about it!" I snapped as i shoved Starscream back and took several steps away from the edge. "I die on my own terms! Am I clear?!" Starscream let out a low growl and lunged at me, instigating a cat fight between the two of us. Starscream managed to land a slash with his claws deep enough to expose my inner workings and draw quite a bit of energon.

"You aren't worthy to lead the Decepticons!" Starscream snarled as he grabbed me by the neck and hoisted me up. I writhed and squirmed in an effort to break free, my servo ejecting my sniper rifle and opening fire. The blast hit starscream and knocked him back, forcing him to release me. My frame crashed to the flight deck, and I scurried to a stand just in time for Starscream to pounce on me and pin me down.

"Get... off of me!" I hissed as I struggled against him.

"Now I'll end this the same way I ended Cliffjumper!" My optics then snapped open as a guttural sound escaped my intake, my optics drifting down to where Starscream had impaled me. Suddenly, Starscream was blasted off of me and flung to the side, my helm rolling over to see Megatron standing with his arm cannon  still smoking.

"S... sire..." I whispered, a cold running up me the more and more energon I lost. Megatron ran to my side and knelt down, his servo pressing against my wound to stop the leaking.

"Knockout! Get your aft up here now!" Megatron snapped, his voice sounding muffled and distant to me. "Hang on, my little gladiator, hang on."

"Sire..." I choked as energon dripped from the corner of my intake. "Y-youre okay."

"I am, and you will be too."

"Sire... i... I'm... scared." I felt myself slip away into darkness. The last thing I saw was Breakdown and Knockout running up to me and Megatron going after a very frightened Starscream.

------

When I awoke, I was laid down on my back with various monitors and energon lines hooked up to me, Megatron, and Knockout, discussing something off to the side that I could barely hear.

"He's stable for now," Knockout said. "Starscream did quite a number on him. He'll be hurting for a bit once he's awoken but should be combat ready in a week or so."

"I want the best care you can provide." Megatron said.

"S... sire?" I whispered, catching the warlord's attention. I tried to sit up, but hissed as pain forced me back down.

"Stubborn as usual." Knockout commented.

"He is his carrier's child." Megatron chuckled as he went to my side. That's when it fully occurred to me that my sire was alive and fully functioning. I flung my arms around him and buried my face into his tanks, happy tears slowly falling from my optics.

"You're back! By Primus, you're back." I wept.

"I am, and I assure you I won't be leaving anytime soon."