In A Million Chances

22

Morgan sits on the edge of his bed, head in hands. It's two in the morning and he's sitting here in his boxers, praying that his baby daughter will just stay asleep. Falling back on the mattress, he just lets the tears drip down his face. He doesn't know how long he's been like that before a wail cuts through the silence.

Morgan stands and wipes his cheeks before walking to the other side of the room and picking up his daughter. She quiets down to a whimper.

"I know honey, I know. Let's get you something to eat." Her body looks so small in his big arms, but the pediatrician says she's been gaining weight. Morgan's glad, her being so little makes him nervous.

He heats up a bottle and she starts to eat. Slowly, he sits down in the living room and rocks her. Her big blue eyes stare up into his, they look just like his own but what hurts the most is what's behind them. They give off the same sentiment that her Mama's always gave when she stared at him like that.

Meli. There's nothing that doesn't make Morgan think about her. Marlee, though is his biggest reminder. The tears start to flow again, he can't get them to stop which is normal. It's been 6 months since Marlee was born and Meli left this earth. It was hell. It still is hell and the only thing getting him through it is Marlee.

The nurses had rushed him out of the room and into the hall. His Meli had passed soon after, the doctors had tried everything. Morgan doesn't remember much after that, his Mama said when the nurse found them and they got to him he was sitting on the ground staring into space. Eventually, his baby was put in his arms and he knew that she was all he had.

If his life was hell, the funeral was him burning in it. All he wanted to do was curl in a ball and melt away. People were everywhere telling him how sorry they were and how much they were going to miss Amelia. They couldn't miss her more than he would.

The worst part was when he lost it at the cemetery, He'd done what she'd asked and buried her near him, all he had to do to go see her was walk out on to his property and up the hill. Watching Meli being lowered six feet into the ground broke him more than he thought was possible. Morgan had cried out, fell to his knees in front of too many people to count. Ashlyne, who had been holding Marlee took her back home while his Dad sat with him for the next couple of hours. Soon after his family made him go to a therapist that put him on meds for panic attacks and depression, the pills worked for a little bit but the pain of loosing her was sharper. He had quit taking them weeks ago. He wished they had been harder like the aderall he use to pop before shows or the bottle of whiskey he use to drink. All he wanted to get drunk and cuss out the world or get high and waste away.

His Mama and sisters had stayed with him and Marlee for a couple of months but they had lives to get back to. He had to face reality.

Marlee sighed from his arms, she had finished eating while he had been staring off.
"Sorry honey, let's get you back to bed. Yuh have to be sleepy."

He started to lay her down in her crib, her lip started to tremble and Morgan knew what was coming. Marlee had started getting attached to him to the point where she wouldn't even let his Mama hold her while she was visiting last week. It was his fault and he knew it, whenever he did anything he figured out how to hold her or take her with him and even then he didn't let her out of his sight. This was his last living piece of Amelia and he'd be damned if anything was going to happen to her.

Morgan caves and props himself up against the headboard, rubbing Marlee's back and trying to get her to go back to sleep. She's still wide eyed though.

"You know your Mommy use to give me the same look you're given me now. She loved you so much and I don't know how we're going to do this without her."