Don't leave me behind.

5. stage...

“Stage two”
played over and over in becky head as she left the room to search for freen.

becky didn’t have to search very far, she turned the corner to the hallway and saw freen sitting on the floor with her knees up to her chest crying.

“Hey”
becky mumbled as freen peeked up at her.

freen hopped up from the floor as she wrapped her arms around becky neck
“I’m sorry, I’m just so worried about you.”

becky squeezed freen back before pulling freen away from her to look her in the eyes while wiping Freen tears

“stage two.”
Becky said that as if she was telling freen about the weather or something simple while she was still wiping Freen tears, caressing her cheek gently with one hand and hugging her waist with the other hand.

freen looked confused at how normal becky was being
“What does that mean?”

“Well, she said as far as she can tell, I only have the lung cancer in one lung and it hasn’t reached my lymph nodes ... just yet... but to be sure she said we have to start the process pretty quickly.”

freen was still confused
“Why do you seem so okay with that?”

“Let’s go lay down, my body aches like a mother fucker”
becky said that and slightly smiled as the two walked back into the bedroom while becky was holding freen hand and freen was trying to supporting becky as they walked.

“

i think you need to start using a cane”
freen said as they reached the doorway to the bedroom.

“Canes are for old people”
becky bit back as she slowly got into bed, the surgery place still hurt and her body not strong as before.

“Not true”
freen rolled her eyes as she climbed into bed beside her lover.

becky grabbed freen hands and played with them while she spoke
“Well, when I was being taken back to surgery I was asking the nurse all kinds of questions. She told me that stage one and two were the ideal situation and I just barely missed stage three.”

freen eyes widened “What do you mean?”

“They want me to start chemotherapy tomorrow just to be sure”
becky mumbled as she played with freen fingers.

freen looked surprised as she nuzzled her face into becky neck praying that becky will fight
“and you will do that,  right?”

“I don’t have much of a choice” becky shrugged and freen finally felt like a heavy weight had been lifted from her chest.

“Hey freen”
becky looked over at freen.

freen knew becky very rarely called her by her real name she so she looked oveat at becky sympathetically
“yeah?”

“

I’m sorry about what I said earlier...I didn't say what I said because I'm trying to say i know what it's better for you but I said what I felt... I don't want to see you go through this bullisht because of me"
becky  said that and kissed freen on the forehead to show that he was being serious then she kissed Freen hand.

For becky, she was hesitant about the treatment because she was thinking that it would be better for her to live the time she has before her hour will come and disappear without any trace of her will be left behind... If she disappears, the girl she loves will be free... she will find  someone who can understand her, take care of her... she'll find someone deserve her.
sadly that what Becky thinks and believes that Freen happiness is not with her, so she was trying to push freen for weeks when she felt that she was having a serious health problem and it couldn't be dealt with like every time before.

"It is better for you to stop feeling then...do you want to know what is best for me?
You are the best for me...your warm embrace,warm hands that make me feel safe are all I need"
freen said that after a silence that lasted for a moment to understand what Becky said...she didn't want becky to feel like that, she wanted her to feel how much she love her.

All Becky did after she heard what freen said kiss her forehead and inhale the scent of her hair deeply, then she kissed her hand because as usual, she did not know what to say. She was grateful that freen was in her life, but she felt guilty that she was not enough to make the woman she loved happy.

"so the chemotherapy will start tomorrow, right?"
freen asked again because she was afraid that becky will change her mind.

"yeah"
Becky said that, then she sighed and closed her eyes.

“I know you becky, you’re a Armstrong. Fighting is in your blood”
freen teased as she gave becky a quick peck on the lips.

becky smiled before turning over and looking freen in the eyes, as becky pushed a piece of black hair out of freen face she said:
“Can I be honest with you?”

freen nodded before speaking out the word “Always.”

“actually i feel lost, numb and hopeless, i know it will not  end positively"
becky quickly responded.

“everything will be okay and when this nightmare over i will remained you and tell you that you were wrong ”
freen said that then she inched closer to becky and held her then she add:
“I’ll be here every step of the way, I promise. But you have to promise me you’ll quit smoking.”

“The nurse told me that the side effects of the chemotherapy will be worse if I continue, but I don’t know how to stop”
becky responded sounding slightly nervous.

freen laid next to becky in deep thought for a few moments before responding
“maybe we can ask if you can use like one of those nicotine patches while you do chemo?”

becky nodded as the thought of chemotherapy and nicotine patches made her slightly nauseous.

freen could see becky was overwhelmed so she stopped talking and played with her hair.

becky sighed and said:
“You know that’s some of it going to be gone soon, right?”

freen just ignored becky as she played with her hair and smiled, she would enjoy it while it lasted.

.
.
.
.
.
.