Does It Still Hurt?

Chapter Twenty Three: Lucy's Funeral

I feel horrible all the time, its okay know need to shove it my face ~ Google
 
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{Rosalina's POV}

I was sitting on my bed, my cold red hands rested on my lap. Sticky tear stains stuck on my face. All the commotion that happened stuck in my brain, I still couldn't believe she was gone.

Lucy was never ever gonna come back. The girls and I just came from Lucy's funeral, her mom was there as well, who am I kidding the whole fucking state was there.

Everyone loved Lucy, no one could ever hate her. I still sat on my bed thinking about the good bye speech I wrote, and read at her funeral. I could have stood there and told everyone how good of a person she was, and what a wonderful young women she would have become if she was still with us.

Knowing Lucy she didn't want that, so I wrote and read the letter only for Lucy no one else. of course everyone heard my speech but that didn't matter to me, I only cared of what Lucy thought about my speech.

 I stripped my black dress off. It was pretty simple I just looked for anything black to wear. I wore it because it looked pretty decent, it was long sleeved and came up to the top of my knees.

My cold body standing in the middle of my room. I caught a glimpse of my body from my full body mirror. all  of my thin red scars on both of my thighs like anything couldn't get worse.

I didn't think it was fair she was gone it wasn't fair not one bit. now I suffer because no one cared enough for Lucy. Tears flowed down my now burning cheeks. I grabbed a hoodie pulled it over my head, got some PJ pants and slipped it on. I was angry of crying, so tired of being the person who had to act like they were fine because I never wanted it to look like I was craving attention.

I always stayed quiet for so long, I acted like a good girl but there was always a demon in me screaming for someones help. I'll be happy, then it will come back and bite me in the ass after.

Why is it so wrong for me to be happy? its not fair. "Its not fucking fair!!" I yelled and threw my computer on the floor.

 My computer smashed on the ground with a loud 'bang'. I kept crying I threw my fist to the wall a crack formed its way to the lime green painted wall.
I fell to the cold carpeted floor with screams consuming my body. I hated myself, I hated my life, I hated that Lucy left us all.

More screams left from my lifeless body. I heard knocking on my door. A  voice yelling for me to open the door. I listened carefully it was Serenity, her fragile voice yelling for me to stop.

"Rosalina let me the hell in... please your killing me!" her screams filled the atmosphere. I calmed down a little catching my breath slowly.

"Serenity I'm fine, please leave me alone" a lifeless voice left from me.

"Rosalina I'm not fucking around, open the damn door, NOW!" she yelled.

"Leave me alone!!" I yelled on the other side. I bit my tongue regretting what I just said. I started to cry so much more. I crawled to the other side of my room leaned my back on the wall, my head in my knees.

"What your gonna give up on me too Rosalina? it Is not your fault for what happened to Lucy. Stop blaming yourself for something no one saw coming. It wasn't anyone's fault not yours, not mine, not the girls either" her voice came out angry but the softer near the end.

"It was her fucked up sorry excuse of a dad" she said.

 All I heard was her footsteps walking and a door slam. I'm guessing she left to go out. I looked out my window seeing her head halfway into her sweater. It was either getting cold or she was covering her tears with her sweater.