The Hidden Tears of the Clown Girl

The Jester's Dress

I look at myself in the elevator. The anticipation, though brief, seems to stretch endlessly. This is because I'm excited about the prospect of seeing her again, and it's not too far off.

I continue to gaze at myself in the mirror, only to notice that my reflection has fogged up due to my heavy breathing. I try to slow down and take in as much air as possible, attempting to calm myself. After all, I have nothing to fear. It's not anxiety about an exam or anything like that. I'm just about to see the girl I've fallen in love with.

But thinking about it... yes, I have a lot to fear. I made a good impression yesterday, but I have to keep it up. I don't want to come across as someone I'm not. I've already taken a risk by revealing part of who I was and am, like a criminal.

Yes, here in hell, it's the norm, and it seems to be the same for Glam. Despite everything, though, I don't believe what I did in the past was right. I also regret the thought I had just before meeting Glam. I had the idea of killing her producer if he was mistreating her. And, in reality, I would still be willing to do it. She's a singer, an idol, and she confirmed that her life is not always easy as such. If necessary, I would be ready to do it. But this time, I would do it solely for her protection. Last night was pure sadism, but it was just a moment. I'm not a sadist, and I realized it when I brutally killed in the club last night. She seems to have noticed it too. I smile as I think about it. It seems she has seen the more positive sides of my personality so far, and that makes me very happy.

The elevator reaches its destination, and I step out into the corridor. I walk, scanning the numbers on the doors with my eyes. My finger pointing at the intercom buttons, ready to ring the doorbell. I arrive at her door, easily recognizable by the stylized jester on the black door. I ring the intercom. I look around for a moment. The condominium is colorful, but despite that, it's so quiet that it almost seems abandoned, probably because of the poor lighting.

After a few seconds, I start hearing footsteps towards the door, which opens, revealing mixed scents – the smell of cooking, the scent of some dish, and the fresh smell of bath products. I see Glam's almost aqua-green eyes peeking out from the door with the latch engaged.

"Hi Y/N!" she cheerfully utters my name, but it sounds incomprehensible, as if her mouth is occupied by something, turning those few letters into an unintelligible gibberish. She closes the door and quickly removes the latch, fully opening her door.

As the door swings open, I scan what's in front of me with my eyes: Glam wearing only a gray bathrobe, her hair wrapped in a towel, and a toothbrush in her mouth with foam around it. She seems almost angry.

"Hi Glam!" I contain the little shyness that has surfaced, which is already slightly alleviated by the fact that we already know each other.

"Y/N, I'm so sorry for the mess," she says apologetically but forcing a smile. Glam smiles, shyly rubbing the back of her neck with her hand. "I'll finish getting ready and be right there!" she adds after checking the time.

She goes into the bathroom, closing the door behind her, leaving me in her living room. I put my backpack on the floor and look around, smiling. Just yesterday, I shared my sleep with her here. I think while I smell the scent of her home with my nose, and the contamination of the kitchen odor quickly brings me back to reality. Instead of all the sweet thoughts in my head, amazement takes over for the disorder this girl managed to create.

Not so much the house itself, but the kitchen. A stack of dirty dishes is perfectly visible even from a distance, a dirty cutting board, empty but still dirty pots on the turned-off stove, and a rubber duck in the sink full of water.

Wait, what? I look back. Is there really a rubber duck in the sink? I approach to make sure I'm not imagining it. And I discover that it's indeed a rubber duck. I pick it up. It's small and soft. And it squeaks if you squeeze it. I wonder what it's doing in the kitchen. If I'm not mistaken, I saw it on the floor in front of the door yesterday.