The Hidden Tears of the Clown Girl

Her world and our first dance

I walk hand in hand with Glam towards the end of the hallway, where emerald green curtains await us, similar to those at the entrance.

This corridor seems almost endless to me.

Glam has managed to calm me down a bit, but despite everything, there's still a lot of anxiety within me.

I keep searching for words to describe this feeling of discomfort. Some might call it social anxiety, as I did a little while ago, while others might simply say feeling out of place. Yet, I think any word would still be inadequate to talk about this issue.

I've always been someone who respected everyone and appreciated the company of others, even those with ideas and lifestyles very different from mine.

I was straight edge, avoiding alcoholic substances and taking care of my body through physical activities and a healthy diet. I was fine, but I never achieved the goal that many have of having a gym-toned physique. And perhaps that was also part of the problem.

In reality, I wasn't interested in achieving that goal; I had other goals, to be honest.

I try to draw a line between me and them. I tell myself I have nothing against them, but then when you actually enter their territory, like a nightclub, you feel out of place. Even if you try not to feel that way.

Even confidence is not enough.

You are proud of yourself, what you do, and your lifestyle. And you walk among people feeling normal or even better than normal.

But then, when you enter a nightclub, everything changes. It's as if all your progress, everything that makes you proud, disappears instantly like ashes in the wind. You feel eyes on you, maybe from brutes who seem to spend their lives inside a nightclub.

Veterans you shouldn't get too close to. And it doesn't matter what they did. In that place, they took on an almost tyrannical connotation.

Even when, in their way, they made fools of themselves, like those idiots who cling to a girl all the time as if she were actually their property. Always looking around as if guarding their home.

I remember cases where people stabbed each other over a glance at their girl.

These are chaotic places, but in their own way, fascinating. I believe the main problem is the kind of people they attract.

Lost in these thoughts, I don't realize that we are just steps away from the curtain.

I turn to look at Glam, who is eagerly anticipating what's to come.

She turns towards me.

"Ready for the magic, Y/N?" she says, gently squeezing my hand as if to comfort me.

I offer her a forced smile in response, and she starts to pull back the emerald green curtains.

She stops with her hands barely touching the curtain, turning to look at me.

"So, shall we, Y/N?" she says with the same reassuring smile as before.

It's as if she's waiting for my approval. She cares that I enter her world and wants to accompany me, understanding what I feel.

"Okay," I tell her, trying to smile again.

Glam draws back the curtains with her hands, revealing an unusual green light.

The light is intense but not harsh on the eyes, allowing me to continue looking without averting my gaze. However, its intensity prevents me from seeing what the curtains were hiding.

But in just a few seconds, the intense light adjusts, gradually fading to reveal the place.

A frenetic but balanced music reaches my ears. I could already hear it before, mostly through vibrations despite my heightened hearing. Obviously, the curtains must be soundproof and of very high quality.