Bound To You

Chapter 12 -To Kill or Not To Kill.

Chapter 12 - To Kill or Not To Kill.

You kill for me, I kill for you.

His words were on replay in my brain. He was right. I was a big of a monster as he was. I killed Nathan's father; I helped getting him in this situation. 

I helped getting his little sister in this situation. The guilt was eating me up from the inside, blocking every little cell in my body from coping with the world.

I took a deep breath a tilted my head back. My bed was becoming my best friend. It didn't require anything from me. I didn't want to get out of it. To be honest, I didn't want to do anything. I just wanted to be myself, to go back and live happily ever after. 

I wanted to pinch myself until I would wake up from this terrible nightmare but I couldn't. I wasn't capable of getting out of it.

I closed my eyes and tried to imagine how my life would have been if I hadn't met Roman. The scary thing was, I couldn't. I didn't know how to. 

Roman had become a big part of my life and now he was my worst nightmare. He had turned me into a monster, a monster who takes innocent people's lives. I was taking these people away from their families.

I rubbed my face with my dry hands, trying to ignore the burning guilt inside of me.

I stood up and walked to the window. The sun was shining. Flowers stood tall in the green grass. The sight was beautiful. Roman did not deserve such a pretty view. He would only destroy it with his evilness. 

The light of the sun hit my naked arms, making the wounds even more visible. Even though they were almost 2 weeks old, the redness was still very prominent; as well as the tiny scars.

A sob almost made its way up my throat but I would not let it come out. I was tired of crying. I was tired of the guilt. I was tired of being me. 

Why did I have to walk into the store that evening? Why couldn't it have been someone else? Why was I being put through this misery?

I looked up into the skies. Were they able to see me? Were they watching over me? All I wanted was a sign; a sign, which showed me that, they were watching over me, protecting me. Were they proud of me? Of the monster, Roman had created. 

I truly doubted that. How in the world could they ever be proud of me? I was killing people without mercy.

Small tears made their way down my cheeks. I really missed them and I was never going to see them again. I was never going to be with my family again. I felt empty; I felt lonely. I thought back to the days where we were an actual family and we were happy. Our family held so much love.

I wished I had never left my mom. I wished I had spent more time with her. I should have stayed and helped her. The tears came floating down as I thought about how many times I must had hurt her. All the times we fought and argued. 

I kept telling myself that it was what mothers and daughters did and then they would be friends again. I would have done it all over if I had known this would happen. I would not have complained; I would have been the perfect daughter and sister.

My knees buckled under me as the heavy pain in my chest decreased. The pain was so distressing that I didn't even notice when someone put their warm arms around me, pulling me closer to them.

"Sshh, it okay," Roman whispered, as he cradled me like a little child. I couldn't even resist him. I had no more energy left. He was nicely warm.

I just kept crying. There was a time where I never cried. Now, I was crying all the time.