The Prep's Diary: How the Prep became so Preppy

6/20/16

~Dear Diary, ~

~A tip online said that if you ever want to get rid of all your pain and suffering, writing a letter to the people who hurt you helps, but instead of sending them the letter either A; Tear it up or B; Burn it.~ 

~Let's just say, I choose option B! If mom ever figured out that I burned something, no doubt that I'll be grounded forever! Thankfully, mom and my sisters were out for the day! On the bright side, writing notes to people who'll never see 'em.~

-Rosetta H. 

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Tearing up posters of rockstars that I'd never really liked felt empowering. It was like getting rid of paper gunk that stuck to the wall for years and years, finally, I managed to clean it. 

But that was only the beginning of course, if I want my room to not feel so Mckayla, I might  have to do a lot more then tearing up posters and getting rid of junk. Although, that part was the hardest thing for me to do.

I stared at the big, brown box, it was popped open like a jack in the box from how many items was it, I reached out my hand, but I felt as if something was holding me back, I paced around the box for minutes, looking, wondering and second-guessing myself for even bringing that box out. But before I knew it, I grabbed whatever was in there and spilled all over my bed. 

Pictures, tokens of memories, band-tee shirts were all there, all over everything, there to be watched by my eyes, so many objects and yet, so many memories that flooded my brain like a rainstorm. The first picture that caught my eyes was one from an amusement park, me and Mckayla were at the front of the ride, leaning together and smiling.

It was from last year, which feels like three decades ago, I hate how I was tricked into thinking that anything good could happen with being friends with her, which then make me hate myself for all the fun times I spent with Mckayla. I flew too close to the sun and in turn, I burned myself. The next picture was a pic of me and Andrew in a photo booth of us, it was big grins, slilly kissy faces and all the wacky stuff you see from other couples. 

I wiped a tear from my eyes. "Damn it..." I muttered as I tore up the pictures again, like I did last time. He's not mine anymore and no matter how many times I tell it to myself or from how happy Mckayla and Andrew look, real life or online, I can't help but feel upset about the whole thing. 

A few minutes pass by and I had managed to tear, throw out and ruin all the stuff in that box, I kicked it to the side and put my head against the wall, thinking and thinking some more, something that I'd been getting better at. 

I pulled up my phone and scrolled through the internet, passing by any article when I saw this link that talked about "For the ones that I hate." The article talked about how they had a lot of rage towards a lot of people, so in order to take out their anger in a healthy way, the person wrote angry letters to the people that hurt them in their lives and then burned them to a crisp. A lightbulb switched on in my brain as I sat down at my desk, staring at my notebook as I tapped the pen in my head. 

It seems easy, way too easy. Mckayla and Andrew would never know I wrote about them, and it could all be over, but more I looked at the blank page, the more tense I felt. I'm not even sure there were words to explain all the hurt, anger and confusion I felt, but I needed to pour my heart out, even if I wasn't totally sure about everything. 

~Andrew Thompson~

~Hey.  So, how's life since you decide to get with Mckayla, huh? You don't have to tell me, I'd seen the whole entire thing, you brag about her so much that it's all over your Instagram. I blocked you so you won't worry about your "crazy ex" stalking you.~

~All I want to say is, you're an asshole. One of the biggest assholes ever! I hate you and everything you stand for, but I hate how much I missed you and how happy we were together, but it was all lies! So, enjoy your "cool" girlfriend and your little fanbase, because I'm done being your stupid cheerleader that you fucked over so many times! I wish the worst for you. ~

.......................

~Mckayla Queens. ~

~Great, now I'm writing to the backstabbing cunt who sucked face with Andrew while telling me all about great of a friend I was! You were the girl that stood up for me while I got picked as you twisted the knife deep into my heart, like a snake. ~ 

~The sighs were always there, but I guess I was too deep in your bullshit to see how horrible you are. I looked up to you, figuratively and literally. You were everything to me, but all I was to you was a piece of trash you used to look pretty. So, there's that! All I have to ask is why, why Mckayla? Was it worth it? Was our friendship so meaningless that you choose Andrew over me? If that's the case, then I'm choosing everything over you, let's see how you like it when I'm happy, surrounded by people who give a fuck about me. You two-timing bitch! I wish the worst for you, maybe even worse...~

I folded up the papers and placed them in envelopes, sealing them tight. As I walked downstairs, even though all the windows were closed, I felt like a wind was pushing me forward, moving with me as I held the lighter in my left hand and the huge bucket of water in the other hand. It didn't feel real, I thought I was dreaming, but I choose it, and now I need to live with it. 

As I got outside, I set the letters aflame, watching the fire burn every word I place on those white pieces of paper, tears gently flowed as I wiped them away, watching the fire eat my words whole. 

I splashed the water on the fire, a small burnt patch of grass was there, and I took a deep breath, taking in all the hurt and anger and sadness I felt before blowing it out with a sigh of relief and walked back inside.  I smiled as I threw away the ashes, maybe this says something about me mentally, but seeing all that pain and anger burn, it was like peace was given.

Maybe I'm really healing for once... 

~End~

(Author: Ah, the burning of hate, how sweet and perfect! Anyway, so let's go!)