I'm Torn Between Three (One Direction Love Story)

Chapter 20. Ups & Downs...

Dev’s POV:

“Dev…please talk to me. It’s Violet, your best friend.” The sick voice pleaded choking on a sob. My heart stopped. My breath built up in my throat. My mind couldn’t wrap my head around the words she said. Violet was dead. I saw her die in front of me on that hospital bed. “Whoever this is, it’s not funny. Whatever sick joke you’re playing, stop it.” I said trying so hard not to make my voice crack. My throat began to strain due to holding back the tears while speaking. “It’s me, Violet, Dev. This isn’t a joke. It’s really me.” She said. “No! No, you’re dead! I saw you die! Oh my god, I’m going insane. You aren’t Violet. That’s it. You can’t be.” I said finally letting my tears out causing my throat to relax a little. “Please Dev, Calm down. It’s me Violet. Valerie is my sister and Alice is my best friend as well as yours. Can you tell me where they are?” She asked softly. I pinched myself to check if I was dreaming or not. I was defiantly not dreaming. The voice I’m hearing through the phone is real. Everything was real. I tried to calm myself down by breathing in and out slowly. It wasn’t working. “I’m hanging up. I can’t. You aren’t Violet. You are some stranger trying to make me go crazy. I’m done.” I hung up and threw the phone. Right about now, I didn’t care if it broke or not.

My head was spinning. My hands shook. And everything came back to me. It was like a big hard slap to the face. All memories flooded into my head. It’s like I relived all the memories I’ve had in one minute. I saw everything again, especially my mother’s and friends’ death. “Stop. Stop. Stop.” I yelled shutting my eyes tight while grabbing my head. My knees fell from under me making me hit the ground. I could hear my heart racing. It felt like it was about to explode out of my chest. It’s like I can’t even breathe. Like I’m drowning. The world around me felt so surreal. Ringing began in my ear, and my movements became slower. My vision was hazy probably due to the tears. I made my way to the bathroom. I know exactly what would stop this. I crawled on the cold white tile floor to the sink. My hand reached up and grabbed the razor taped under the sink. I sat up against the bath. This is where all the pain ends. My heavy breathing was all that could be heard in the bathroom. I pressed the cold small blade to the scarred part of my forearm. Each damn cut I made on my arms, precious blood gushed out. The drops of it fell on the tile staining it. New scars proved nothing new to me. I’m never going to stop. This is just a cycle that keeps on going till I’m dead. Through every cut I make and every scar I open, nothing will make me forget the things I’ve seen and experienced. I began to feel lightheaded. I guess it’s due to the blood loss. I dropped the razor. It’s sort of a high once you think about it. I’m just sat here emotionless. I can’t cry. I can’t feel anything. I’m just here. I’m only existing, not living. Then the dreaded ringing of my phone happened again. It’s been going off nonstop.

I’ve been trying to shrug it off, but I don’t think I can anymore. “DEV!?” I heard people yell. I looked up slightly too already find the boys at my side. They were already ready to go somewhere while my arms lay in a pool of blood. I only had a bra and a pair of jeans on. “Why did you do this to yourself?! How could you?! You said you stopped. You promised you would never do this again! Why Dev?” Zayn pleaded taking a towel and wrapping it around my arm applying pressure. I couldn’t answer him. All I did was look at him. I looked at Niall who was practically in tears as he did the same to my other arm. He couldn’t look me in the eyes. All he did was stare at the blood. Next to Zayn was Louis and next to Niall was Liam who just had a worried and sad look on their faces. It was silent and one person was missing from my sight. I looked up to find Harry with a face that I couldn’t stand to look at. “You promised me you wouldn’t do this. Do you know how this makes me feel? If you actually loved me, you wouldn’t have broken your promise and cut yourself. You would have come talked to me. Do you like to see me hurting? Dev, I don’t even know anymore. First it was everything from last night, and now this. What’s next?” He sighed. He was about to walk out when I decided I had to saw something. “Really Harry?” I croaked making him stop in his track. “I’m sorry I broke a promise. I’m sorry for having suicide always in my thoughts. I’m sorry that I don’t like talking about this with people. Look if you don’t love me, fine by me because in all honesty, nobody has ever loved me. I’m sorry for being the way I am. I don’t know what happened last night okay?! I know I didn’t drink though. I don’t know why I ever thought someone would love me. I broke my promise with Ed as well. I’m a disappointment and a failure.” I said. “What do you mean? I love you so much it hurts! That’s why I don’t want you doing this! You deserve better. You’re too beautiful to do this.  It’s not that you broke your promise that makes me sad, it’s the fact that you didn’t come to me first. I feel like I’m such a bad boyfriend. It kills me knowing that you’re hurting and I can’t do anything about it.” He said tearing up. “Harry, it’s something that no one can control. I’m a monster. You shouldn’t feel like that. I deserve this.” Before I could continue, the ring came back from my phone.