Witchcraft SMP react to Sausage of Sanctuary

Sausage's family

Eloise: And I thought Oli would at least be a little normal. I guess all gameshow hosts secretly have crazy backstories. (The clips of Sausage finding Bubbles and Eddie, making Eddie his blacksmith, explaining his backstory, and finding Maria appeared on screen.)

Pris: Who's Eddie? Why's he a rabbit?

Sausage: Hareon.

Tiff: He's a rabbit, not a bird.

Sausage: No, not heron, hareon!

Mertha: H-A-R-E-O-N. They're an almost extinct species of rabbitfolk. 

Everyone: Oh. Wait, a whole kingdom full of magic?!

Sausage(Sighing.): Yeah, that magic was pretty rare. But I'm sad to say it's been stamped out now...

Bertha: Stamped out?

Eloise(Sentimentally.): Oh... you're an orphan, Sausage?

Sausage: Yeah.

Shelby(Quietly.): You never told me about your parents, Sausage.

Joey: Yeah, me neither, and we usually can't stop you from talking about your crazy lore!

Sausage: Well, my parents were a little... complicated.

Scott: Don't say it like that, now we feel like you're spoiling us.

Mertha: I get the feeling that the evil king had something to do with your mother's death.

Sausage: Good guess.

Pris: Kind of obvious in retrospect.

Scott: And that's why he has PTSD about fire...

Lauren: The king killed everyone?!

Sausage: Not everyone. Some refugees managed to escape but most were killed in the purge. This is why I made Sanctuary. So that anyone who experienced anything like that could escape and be safe.

Cleo: When you stop to consider it Sausage can be really serious sometimes.

Everyone: Yeah.

Joey: Emphasis on 'sometimes', though.

Everyone: Yup. (The screen played the clips of Sausage making his nether portals using magic, making his magic tree, making his secret hideaway through the nether portal in another dimension, and Gem getting her butterfly wings from the tree and Sausage asking for his own wings and getting them.)

Bertha(Sourly.): What happened to 'stamped out'?

Sausage: After a while from being away too long from the old kingdom the magic faded. Sanctuary's still fine without it though. We've learned to be careful with magic, after what happened with the evil king.

Scott: And you're back to dimensional magic again.

Sausage: Yup. I really like it! (Arfaffoo.) What do you mean, I should only teleport once a week?

Jana: The multiverse isn't unbreakable, Sausage.

Sausage: Okay, fine, but you really should be giving this lecture to Hermes, Bubbles. (Arf.) Ah well, I guess me a little too.

Tiff: Who's Hermes?

Jana: Explained later. (The screen played the clip of Sausage making his Cathedral of Santa Perla and briefly meeting Saint Pearl herself.)

Scott: Pearl? He saw Pearl again?

Sausage: Yeah, really brief visit, though. Gods and goddesses have really full schedules sometimes. I should know, I was one once.

Everyone: Wait, what?!

Pris: You too, Sausage?!

Cleo: What's with everyone being a god these days?

Joey: Oh, I remember that! He wasn't a god for very long though. Died sooner or later.

Everyone: Um...

Shelby: Yeah, even I don't know this part.

Sausage: Um, it's a little embarrassing, so let's move on?

Jana: Where were we again? Oh, yeah, Pearl. By the way, Sausage, I saw her cleaning up empanada crumbs off my sofa the other day, you wouldn't have happened to have done something with that, have you?

Sausage(Suddenly shifting.): Uh, what gives you that idea? Ow, okay, okay, Bubbles, I confess, I have been visiting Pearl, but seriously, you would go too, wouldn't you? (Arf aroofarf.) See?

Scott: I'm never going to get used to Sausage talking to a dog. (The screen played the clip of Sausage meeting Hermes and all the shenanigans they had together.) Wait, you have a son?!

Sausage: Yeah, with thunder daddy Joel!

Tiff: 'Thunder daddy'?

Shelby: Sausage makes a few innuendos sometimes.

Bertha: He makes so many innuendos around Hermes I'm not sure if he still has his childish innocence.

Mertha: Are you sure you're a good parent?

Sausage: What?! Of course I'm a good parent!

Eloise: You don't even teach him to read.

Sausage: He speaks through telepathy, he doesn't need to read! And besides, it's only English he doesn't know how to read. He knows how to read all the other languages. And he learned that all by himself as soon as he was born!

Pris: And I can barely learn a few words in another language.

Scott: How exactly was Hermes born? Because from what you're saying it sounds like he has two fathers but no mothers.

Sausage: Yup!

Everyone: Um...

Sausage: Basically somehow Joel's god magic mixed with my Sanctuary Sausage magic and Hermes was born.

Everyone: Uh...

Jana: Look, maybe it's best we don't dwell on this too much.

Mertha: He should probably have a mother though, you just send him from one father to the other with messages and gifts.

Sausage: Eh, Aunt Lizzie is enough. She's a really good aunt!

Lauren: Lizzie? You mean the cat who practices nekomancy?

Jana: Yeah. She and Joel are a couple, so she's kind of Hermes' aunt.

Bertha: Is she a better aunt than Sausage and Joel are parents? (The screen played the animation clip of Hermes and Lizzie's time together.)

Shelby: Does that answer your question?

Everyone: Oh boy.

Jana: Well, even in another life all the emperors are still pretty immature. The wars from a thousand years ago should tell you that.

Everyone: Yup.