Eyes Wide Shut |PJM FF|

68

As time passed, the days started getting a bit less heavy. The seasons changed in no time, and before I blinked, the spring was behind us and the scorching heat of the summer was slipping away from us. The leaves slowly turned orange and brown, threatening to fall along with the temperatures.

But I didn't feel like dying anymore. Not completely. I had Hanni and Jungkook. When I was with them, I was okay. I didn't feel like half of me was missing. But when I was alone, my thoughts would wander off to him, although a lot less than before. And seeing him in an occasional dream didn't make me fall apart after waking up.

But as the time passed, Jungkook kept telling me less and less about him. He tried not to bring him up and told me as less as possible. When I begged him to tell me more, he refused.

'The more I talk about him the more you suffer. I'm not telling him much either. You both need time apart to heal properly. You said you would wait. So do that.'

Those were his words. The exact words that made me want to beat the shit out of him even though he was absolutely right. Bringing it all back would only cause pain and make me miss him 10 times more. But there are days when I feel like he's simply a dream. A memory. There are days when I feel like he won't come back. And on every single one of those days I regret that I ever asked him to do this. Every one of those days I hate myself a bit more.

Today is one of those days.

I woke up exhausted. I just feel tired overall. A new school year is starting in a few weeks and I'm anything but ready to go back to it. That place seems like torture. I keep looking around in hopes that he'll show up out of nowhere. That he'll just pop in with some ridiculous hair colour and his eye smile. But that won't happen.

7 months have gone by. In one hand so slow, in the other, it couldn't be faster. Even though every minute lasts a day, the time flew past me and I couldn't even take a breath in the time.

'Bitch, plug back in.' I got a head flick from Hanni as I spaced out for a hundredth time today.

'Sorry. What are you saying?' I blinked away the confusion and plastered a smile, but all I got in return is an eye roll

'You really need to stay moving on. I get you miss him, but he's not dead. You've been acting like he'll never come back again. You're only making it worse for yourself.'

'I don't know what to do, Hanni. I miss him.' My voice cracked completely, and just like that, my tears wouldn't stop, even though I've tried my damn hardest not to cry. 'I miss him so much.'

'I know you do. I know.' She sighed and hugged me firmly, letting me cry on her shoulder. 'I'm sure he misses you even more.'

JUNGKOOK POV

I only came over to pick Hanni up from Yowun's place, but I didn't expect to walk into this.

She was hysterical, crying her heart out in Haneul's arms. By the looks of it, it's been a while because she can barely breathe. She's wheezing and hicking up because her breath can't reach her lungs with all the sobbing.

I've only seen her like this twice, and it was months ago when I read her that note he wanted me to give her, and about 3 months ago when I told her not to ask about him anymore.

I thought he was having it tough, but she's 10 times worse. She was stuck on him so much that her life was suffering. She closed up quite a bit since he's been away. I thought it was better not to tell her about him. I figured with time, she'd stop asking and accept that he'll come back. Move on a bit. Stop suffering. But I guess not.

If only she knew how much better he was. If only she knew so many things that I can't tell her... But I promised him to keep it all to myself.

Haneul heard me come in and looked at me with eyes full of tears, having no idea how to help her friend.