Shades of Gold | L'Esperance 2

9 - Incessant Dreamin'

Bella Rosa

I'm shaking. My nose is clogged and my chest is tight. And he's holding me.

I sit there in the waiting room with the rest of the family. We're all trying to calm each other down, but the feeling that no one can truly be consoled right now weighs heavy in all our faces.
Maria latched onto the door of the operating room, and wailed.
Theresa had been moved into immediate surgery.
I break away from her husband's grasp and wipe my eyes through hiccups. The pounding in my head hasn't subsided and neither has the bloodstain on my party dress. The smell is rancid, but I could care less.

Was I the cause of all this? Is this some sort of punishment for my sin?

I stumble back into the seat and bury my head in my hands.

"Who the hell would pull up at a birthday party and start firing at a pregnant lady?" I mumble.

The thought of losing her and her baby was inconceivable.

"I don't know." Maria coughs up. Some other family member held her up and sat her down.

The doctor bursts in and we all bounce to our feet. He pulls down his mask, his hands slippery with sanitizer.

Maria nearly tackled him down. "Where's my daughter?!"

He steps back. "She's alright. Surgery was successful, we were able to get the bullet from her shoulder."

"Thank God." I whisper.

"There was a significant loss of blood, it nearly skimmed her suprascapular nerve. Miraculously, the baby survived."

In that moment, the cloud of sorrow lifted from the room. We all sigh synchronously.

But even with this good news, the vacant hole in my stomach caves deeper.
When she wakes up, she'll know.

She'll know about us.

I go to the counter to pay upfront for the hospital bill, every second the card stays in my hands, the more guilty I feel.

Someone comes up to the counter and I turn to see Ray. "Let me pay." He says.

"No, let me do it.." I persist. "It's the least I could do."

He looks down and withdraws his hand. His eyes are focused, and at first I think he's thinking about everything. But as I look down, I soon realize that Ray's eyes were dead set on my dress. I turn quickly and finish the payment.

"I..have to work tomorrow, I should probably go." I say timidly.

Ray draws in a breath. "Right." He replies. "Get yuh dress clean too."

"I know."

.
.
.

Ray's POV

I laid in bed that night. The sky was cloudy, as if it was reacting to whatever predicament we found ourselves that in. I had insisted on staying by her bedside, but the visiting hours were over, and Maria said I should retire for the night. But as I closed my eyes, I would only see her fall to the ground. The way her face looked.

The windows were half open, and the hot Caribbean heat made itself known to our room.

My head pounded and sweat poured down my head.
It was my fault.

This was all my fault.

Not only had I given into Bella Rosa's frivolity but I caved into his threats.

.
.
.

flashback

My phone buzzes in my pocket. If this was her, I swear on everything I own, I'll break all contact I have with her regardless of whether we're family or not.

"Hello?" I press the phone against my ear, hesitation cracking through the seams of my voice.

"Long time we yuh talk, Ray St. Lawerence."

A long, painful streak of cold grip my spine without mercy. I couldn't forget that voice from anywhere.

Darius 'Honey' Johnson.

"What the fu—"

I shudder as he crackles through the speaker eerily. "No need to be so harsh, hm? We nuh friends again?" 

"Friends my ass. What yuh want?"

He paused, and that's when I knew things were serious.

"Anthony coming out soon. It's time to pay yuh dues."