Everything I Wasn't

Two

Charmelancholy: N| The sadness tinted with charm and nostalgia after a
romantic, but short-lived encounter with a stranger.
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Time Skip; The Sorting:

First Person POV; Kamari Lupin:

I stand in line to get sorted, not really excited anymore. Everyone around me stands in groups or pairs talking to each other, everyone already has their friend groups but I'm just here.

I look around a bit looking for at least one familiar face, possibly that one blonde girl from the train? No, she's in Remmies year, she wouldn't be here.

TRIGGER WARNING; ANXIETY ATTACK:

I look around, ducking further back in the line as everyone pushes around me. I cross my arms over my chest as everything is suddenly too loud, there are voices all around me and my heart is thumping in my chest too hard, painfully hard.

It felt like I was having a heart attack, my palms start sweating and my heart starts beating out of control, like it was going to burst out of my chest at any second.

I forced myself to take deep breaths, ignoring the feeling of someone's hand on my throat. "There is nobody choking you, your fine Kamari."  I tell myself.

I start to try to back away from the crowd turning my head away from everyone to get away. I needed to leave. Everything was too loud, my head hurt.

They can't see me like this.

What would they think?

I can't be the chick whose heart burst before the sorting began.

What if I survive? The rumors would be everywhere.

I keep backing away until I run into something hard, a wall maybe. I turn around my vision blurry.

I see someone, their eyes look familiar. "Sirius?" I croak out, my throat feels like it'll be crushed any second. Oh Merlin my heart, what if it breaks my rib cage.

I start panicking, I see the figures mouth move but I can't make out what they are saying. I feel cold hands grab mine and I try to jerk away but I can't.

"Hey it's ok, you're going to be ok. I need you to do something for me ok?" I hear his voice come at me from every direction, my head spinning.

I nod, causing my headache to worsen, like my skull was going to crack. "I need you to count backwards from ten with me, ok?" I nod again.

"Ten." he speaks. "Ten..." I hear my voice echo but I don't remember opening my mouth.

"Good. Nine." We keep counting backwards and by the time we reach one my heart has slowed down and I can take deep breaths. At some point during the counting I must have closed my eyes. I force them open and everything seems too bright.

I stare at Sirius for a second, but his features are too soft, his hair shorter. Everything looks different. "You're not Sirius." I state as I stare at Regulus.

"Correct, Sirius knows better than to leave the Great Hall before a sorting. Last year he wrote to me about how he was in detention until after Christmas break." I listen to his voice ramble as I wipe my eyes.

"That long?" I realize now how different our voices sound, everything sounds different, the lights are still too bright.

TRIGGER WARNING OVER:

"That long." He confirms, his posh accent making me feel dumb.

"Everyone line up in a single file line!" I hear an older lady shout from the top of the stairs. I line up behind Regulus, his hand stretched back still holding onto mine.

I focus on his curls bobbing up and down each step, and I will my breathing to steady as we step into the Great Hall.

We step into the Great Hall and his hand falls from mine as he looks around in awe. Following his gaze I look up to the ceiling, or lack of, and the floating candles all around.

"Woah..." I say breathily. A smile plays at my lips as I look around. My body suddenly feels cold and I tense up.

"Bloody hell!" I yell as a ghost appears right in front of me, having just passed through me. "Wotcher!" It yells back. I stare at it in awe as it floats away effortlessly, a long dress train flowing behind her.

The teacher who brought us in clears her throat and holds up a hand, silence falling over the hall. Not even a few threatening whispers. "Welcome to Hogwarts! I would like to introduce all first years to the Sorting Hat!" She calls as she motions to a dusty old hat on a stool.

The hat opens up in a crack right above the brim and out belts out a song.

"Oh, you may not think I'm pretty, But don't judge on what you see,
I'll eat myself if you can find
A smarter hat than me.
You can keep your bowlers black..."

I turn to look around the Hall, ignoring the hats song. I make eye contact with my brother and I smile and wave, he lets out a small chuckle and turns to James and Sirius.

Remmy never really brought Sirius over much because of his parents, but James was over quite often. He is like a brother to me.

I smile and wave to James as well and he makes a dumb face at me before waving back. Peter was never over but that was his own choosing, his parents didn't care.