Everything Has Changed

Ch. 5

~Louis~

I felt like I was intruding on a moment I had no business witnessing. He looked so relaxed and safe for the first time since we started talking again. I know I'm partly to blame but it was still nice to see. However, I'm aware that he wouldn't have wanted me to see him with his guard down. So, I made my way to my room to change into more comfortable clothes and answered some texts from a few people.

It's a few minutes later when the sound of someone knocking on my door interrupts my doom scrolling on Instagram. I look up at the door and call out permission for the person to enter. It takes a second, but Harry eventually cracks the door open and hesitantly takes a step inside. He slowly closes the door as quietly as possible and stands in front of it, taking in the room he once knew like it was his own. I don't mean to be rude, but I clear my throat to interrupt his curiosity. I know the room is very different from what he remembers it being and he's been staring at the pride flag I have hanging over my desk for a little bit longer than any other person would.

He snaps his gaze away from the flag and on to me and I'm pretty sure he mutters out an apology before looking down at his twiddling hands. I take a second to take him in and I think this is the first time I'm realizing how much he's grown into himself. He's not a tall, lanky kid anymore, he's filled out his body with muscle tone and his arms are slightly straining against the long sleeves of his shirt. The way his long hair falls over his eyes and frames his face perfectly just makes me want to stare at him more. This boy, well more like young man, is the kind of person you could just sit back and admire for hours if they'd let you. I must be staring for a little too long seeing as it's now Harry's turn to clear his throat.

I feel my cheeks flush just a smidge before I make eye contact with him, and he seems to take that as his cue to speak. "Um, I just wanted to say thank you for letting me come over. I mean you didn't have to and I'm sure you only went with it because your sisters were bugging you about it. I bet you just wanted to leave me in that park, which I would've totally understood, I mean who would want to be seen with this mess? If you want me to go, I completely understand, and I can leave right now. I don't want you to feel obligated-," he rambles and it's starting to feel like he's saying more things than he really intended, and he simply doesn't know how to stop. So, I interrupt his rambling and I slowly walk over to him.

"Harry," I cut him off and he stops talking almost immediately and his eyes bore into mine. I stop about a foot in front of him and I'm pretty sure I can hear the hitch of his breath at the proximity, but I don't back away. "I want you here, but I honestly knew that you wouldn't listen to my invite, with good reason mind you. I didn't just go along with my sisters; we all missed you. I missed you. And I know that it's my fault that we're where we are now, but I was hoping you'd give me a second chance. I'm fully aware of how much of a stupid, confused boy I was, and I regret the way I handled it every day. The moment I realized what I had done, I figured it was too late to fix it, so I didn't reach out. Which I now know was also stupid of me. I would one hundred percent understand if you don't believe me or if you completely cut me off because none of these are good enough excuses for what I did, but I was a kid. I know who I am now, what I want, and what's important to me. So, no, I didn't want to leave you in the park. I want to be seen with you and I don't think you're a mess at all. And no, I don't want you to go, I want you to stay. I want to get to know who you've become, and I don't feel any obligation to do so. This is what I want," I assure him. I felt that he deserved some sort of explanation and by his response, I knew he understood what I meant.

"Confused?" he asks, and I catch him taking a glance to the right, where my flag is hanging. I simply smile and glance over as well.

"Yes, confused," I repeat, and I see something flash in his eyes. I catch him trying to fight off a smile and I can feel the shaky breath he lets out on my face, and I still can't quite comprehend how close we still are. We stand there for what could be minutes or hours, I'm not quite sure. All I'm sure of is his gaze sinking into mine as he searches my eyes for all the answers I'm not quite ready to give him yet. I stare right back, staring right into his hope-filled eyes, and feel guilt over seeing the hesitance in his gaze. It was then that I swore to myself to never see that hesitance in his eyes ever again. At that moment, I swore that I would make the last few years up to him, no matter what it took. Then, what feels like an eternity later, he finally speaks up.