GROWING PAINS , scott mccall

38. a novel approach

GROWING PAINS
chapter thirty-eight ; a novel approach
[ season five - episode five ]

When you're born in a burning house, you think the whole world is on fire.
But it's not. For Noelle, that took a long time to learn. The only thing that really burned inside of her, was anger. Yearning. She wanted answers, ones that she had a right to but, until now, she'd felt too scared to receive. The long-haired blonde stood before tall, black metal gates as a small feeling of dread lingered inside of her, but with it, a feeling of relief. She had always heard about near-death experiences being an eye-opener for people, and for the other million times that she had almost died, that hadn't been true, but this time, it had been. When she woke up from a big surgery, staring up at bright hospital lights her first thought was not whether it was real or not, if her friends and family were waiting outside of the room for her to wake up, only how badly she'd yearned to figure her life out. To do that, she had to go back to the beginning. Her real beginning too, not the one she had been convinced she had for seventeen years, only to find out it was just some forgery made up by an insane woman.

The very same insane woman that she would have to get the answers from.
Part of her thought it was silly to expect Clara to give her anything she wanted today, in the long seventeen years of her being a "mother", she never gave the girl much. Material things maybe, a bunch of things that never truly mattered in a loveless relationship. Even though she somewhat doubted that Clara would give her anything, she couldn't help but come and indulge in the idea anyway. As Noah had told her, she deserved closure. Besides, what else could Clara have to do in that tiny dark cell of hers but talk about herself?

As the gate buzzed, a cheery pit formed in her throat, leaving no room for air as she tried to suck in a large breath. Her clammy hands reached out for Stiles', clinging herself to him in the hopes that something human might exist in the chaos they were about to find themselves inside of. For the second time. 
She couldn't imagine how hard it was for him. She still admired him every day for everything he had been through, how he had remained good despite it all. He had a heart of gold. She wished that her past hadn't changed her so much, that she might still have been a shadow of her young, innocent self.

At the top of the concrete steps, her legs turned to jelly and the blonde came to a sharp halt that pulled the boy back slightly. Stiles squeezed her hand as he turned to the girl, seeing the worry in her bright green eyes. "It's not too late for you to back down." he reminded her. "Nobody has to know you ever did this. It will be between me, you, and my dad." he said, nodding toward the gates where his father sat in the cruiser on high alert. "Don't let us force you into anything."

For a moment, she considered agreeing, turning back around and forgetting about any of this. It was a silly idea, as she had continuously told herself. He was right, they could just keep it as one of their little secrets. Another one. She hadn't told Scott, nor anyone else for that matter. If they turned back now, she could pretend this never happened at all, that she had never tried to fool herself.  With another breath, she shook her head, refusing to back down when she was already so close. Besides, with the bleeding from her stomach, slowly leaking through the bandage, the woman they were coming to see probably already knew they were here.