Lucy Bronzes POV:
It had been a few weeks since Keira and i had decided it was time to separate, and its safe to say these last few weeks have been extremely tough. I had spent nearly 8 years of my life with her, and now i was expected to carry on as if it never happened. To make the entire situation more confusing my 16 year old was also intertwined in everything. Keira had been in Lilys life since she was 6, before we had gotten together, and they had been the best of friends ever since. Breaking the news to her was so much harder than I thought it would be, and i could easily say it was the most gut wrenching thing to watch my daughter that upset, especially because i was the cause of it.
Flashback:
Keira and I were currently sat in the living room, in complete and utter silence, both mentally preparing for what we were about to do. We couldn't keep this a secret from Lily anymore, its not fair to her, and she's already been quite suspicious lately.
I hear the front door open, and then close, indicating that she had returned from school. We watch as she walks into the living room and takes her shoes off, and as she looks up she immediately stares at Keira, and a huge smile grows on her face. Keira hadnt been staying at what was our shared house, but we had told Lily that she was visiting her parents for a bit. She rushes over to Keira, and immediately wraps her arms around her neck, my now ex-girlfriend hugging her back tightly. 'Thank god your back. I missed you so much.' Lily says, joy evident in her voice. Keira doesnt reply, she just hugs her back tighter, as if it was the last time she'd ever hold her. They dont let go of one another, and after a while i can see Keiras shoulders begin to shake, then realising she was beginning to break down. 'Keira? Are you crying?' Lily asks before pulling away to look her, concern etched upon her face once she sees her tear stained cheeks. 'Whats wrong? Why are you upset Kei?' My daughter then asks, before wiping the tears off her face. I move to sit closer to Keira, and place a comforting hand on her back.
'We have to tell you something Lily.' I manage to say, my voice shaking with nerves. My daughters face is filled with worry, and her eyes darting between myself and Keira. 'What is it? Your scaring me.' She says rushed, anxiety raising inside of her. 'Come and sit between us Lil.' Keira then speaks, reaching out a hand which is accepted, then guides Lily to sit between us. 'Someone please tell me whats going on, i dont like this.' She urges, very impatiently. It was now or never. 'Before i start just know that we both love you so much, so so much. Your our number 1 priority always, okay?' I breathe, receiving an impatient nod as my answer. 'Right, well- i dont really know how to say this.' Breathe Lucy. Breathe. 'Keira and i have decided that we think its best if we separate, things have been a bit rocky lately and we just arent happy, im so sorry Lil.' I admit, the tears beginning to stream down mg face. She immediately jumps out of her seat, and stares at us shocked. 'No- No please. Tell me this is a joke. You cant split- please dont do this to me please.' She panics, her baby blue eyes pooling with tears. I dont have the heart to look up at her, so i just place my head in my hands, and pray that i will just disappear. 'Mum?' She whispers, in disbelief of whats going on in our household. I just shake my head in my hands, scared that if i speak i wont be able to stop crying. 'Keira?' She then says. I can hear Keira sniffling next to me, which was just breaking my heart more. 'GOD DAMN IT SOMEONE SPEAK.' She then shouts, which scares the pair of us. 'YOU CANT JUST DROP A BOMB LIKE THAT THEN SIT IN SILENCE.' We look up at her in disbelief, both of us quite shocked. I knew she'd be upset, i knew that. I just wasn't expecting her to be so.. angry? 'Lil calm down' i begin, but she cuts me off before i can get another word in. 'Calm down? Calm down? Oh you' ve got to be having me on right now.' She snaps back, her voice full of rage. 'I know your upset and rightly so, but please stop shouting.' I try to compromise, overwhelmed by everything. 'So what? Your just going to stop loving each other after 8 years? Your going to pretend like you didnt do everything together for 8 years? Your going to pretend like Keiras not been my second mum for majority of my life?' She rambles, now pacing up and down the room. 'Lily, Keiras always going to be your mum, thats not going to change.' I reassure her, trying to calm the whole situation down. 'And when you both start dating again? Then what?' She throws in, getting more and more frustrated. Keira then stands up and walks over to her, and rests her hands on Lilys face. 'That wont be for a very long time Lil. Your always going to be apart of my life, alright? I love you, dont forget that.' Keira says, her voice fragile and shaky. My daughter then wraps her arms around Keira again, and cries into her chest. Keiras hand reaches up to the back of her head, and shes just repeating 'Im so sorry' over and over again. 'Please dont leave Keira, please.' She begs. 'I wish it didnt have to be like this.' Keira then admits, my heart aching at the sight of them. I stand up and wrap my arms around them both, and as cliche as it is, we all cry into one another.
That was the last moment we would spend as a proper family.
END OF FLASHBACK:
Now, 3 weeks later, it was like everyone was walking on egg shells around one another. I hadn't felt this low in a long time, and no matter how hard I tried to keep it together my true feelings would peak through every now and then. Sitting at the kitchen island, i poured myself a glass of red wine. I wasnt a massive drinker, but i felt like i deserved atleast a glass. Lily wasnt home, she was at training with the Barca U17s, Narla was at Keiras as we decided on sharing her together still, so i was left alone with my thoughts. It wasnt a nice place to be. Normally, id be sat on the sofa with Keira, watching a movie or reading a book together, waiting for our daughter to come home from training. But now, it was like i was living a completely different life, one I definitely wanted to escape.
Around 2 glasses of wine later, i hear the front door open, indicating that Lily had returned home. 'Mum?' I hear her call out, but i dont have the energy to shout back. Eventually she walks into the kitchen, and her eyes widen slightly. 'Hey baby, how was training?' I mumble at her, before taking a sip of my wine. 'Oh god mum, what are you doing?' She questions me, almost in disbelief of what she was seeing. She walks over to me, and takes the bottle of wine away from me. 'Have you drank this much in one sitting?' She asks me, seemingly hesitant. 'Its fine Lil, dont worry' i reassure her, and also myself. I was fine. 'You never drink...' she mumbles to herself, evident a lot of thoughts where swirling around her brain. 'Exactly, i was just treating myself. Its the least i deserve...' i say, the last part to myself. I then watch as she comes and sits next to me, and places her hands over my hands. 'Mum.. im worried about you, this isnt like you.' She says sincerely, her voice laced with concern. 'Worried? About what? Im totally fine.' I try to convince her, but it doesnt work. 'You dont have to pretend infront of me. I cant imagine how you must be feeling, please don't bottle it all up.' She worries, anxiety evident on her features. I let out a wobbly breath, and then tuck some stray pieces of hair behind her ear. 'Your too mature for your age.' I joke, trying to light up the mood. She just sadly chuckles at me, and its now i can see the tesrs building up in her eyes. 'Oh Lil...' i say, wiping the stray tears that have begun to fall down her face. 'You would tell me if i had done something to make you want to break up, right?' She asks me, very hesitantly. 'Lily dont do that to yourself, none of this was your fault, okay? None of it. Never ever think that.' I say, holding her face in my hands to make sure she understands. She nods at me, then admits 'I wish everything worked out with you two.' My arms wrap around her tightly, and i then kiss her head lightly. 'Me too baby, me too.'
We pull away from each other, and just look at one another, both of us with solemn expressions on our faces. 'Have you spoken to Keira?' She asks me, and i wince at her question. 'Sorry.' She whispers, once shes seen my reaction. 'No dont be, you deserve to be up to date. We spoke yesterday, just making sure that we were both alright. She said shes fine, but she left training early this morning. Im not sure if i should message her or not.' I admit, completely opening up to her. 'Maybe just ask if shes okay, i mean shes probably not.. but it shows you still care.' She suggests, smiling lightly. 'And you? Have you spoken too her?' I then ask her, and she just looks down at her hands. 'Lil?' I question, worried as to why shes not responding. 'I talk to her all the time.' She whispers, sounding guilty for doing so. 'Thats good Lily, id never want you to lose that bond with her.' I smile, placing a hand on her back. 'You could stay with her some days, i know you miss her a lot.' I suggest, knowing that she'd never ask me if she could. 'I can?' She asks, whilst also looking up to me. 'Ofcourse you can, shes your mum just as much as i am.' I reassure, whilst stroking her hair down. 'I wish it didnt have to be like this.' I then say, feeling guilty for putting my daughter in an awkward position. 'Its not your fault.. if you were unhappy then you couldnt stay together.' She says, leaning further into me. 'Still, i thought we'd be together forever.. i- I bought a ring.' I hesitantly admit, fearful of all the rising emotions i was feeling. 'You bought a ring? Oh my- mum- you where going to ask her to marry you? Oh my god. Mum im so sorry.' She apologetically rambles, in complete and utter shock. 'Does she know?' She then continues, trying to get her head around the situation. 'No.. she doesnt know. Nor can she find out. I dont want her to be more upset than she already is.' I say, scared of what would happen if she ever found out. 'I cant believe it.. god mum im so sorry.' She apologises again. 'Stop apologising darling, its not your fault.' I sadly smile too her, trying to bring her some comfort. 'I just feel bad.' She whispers, wrapping her arms around my waist. I wrap my arms around her and kiss her forehead again, like i did 5 minutes prior.
Would it ever get easier?
Authors note:
- apologies for the lack of updates, ive been in Paris this week but heres one now! ill be doing a part 2 soon any suggestions leave them down below xx
