Perhaps Another Time, Severus [A Severus Snape Fanfiction]

2000

2000

Shaylah and Severus stood facing each other in the dim light of the abandoned house. She took a deep breath and braced herself. Though they had been practicing for several weeks and she had shown improvement, it was not at the pace she had hoped. He intimidated her and when he became frustrated, it sucked the willingness to participate out of her, leaving them both at an irritable stalemate.

It was still surprising how quickly this had developed, this odd relationship between them. Since Cross' death she had found herself in that house more often, avoiding the heavy ache that seemed to hang over Headquarters. Each of them had been mourning differently, Brawn with aggression, his missions often leading to wounds that those at Azkaban were left to patch as he gifted them with new prisoners. Vex had thrown himself into his work of tracking, searching for the next nest to be raided. Shaylah had found solace in Severus, in their training, in simply existing in the same space that he did. Though his presence was still a bit overbearing, especially when she didn't advance as quickly as he would like, it somehow calmed the rushing thoughts that battered her constantly, the guilt that had been eating at her.

Severus had seen everything by this point, from her youth to the memories that he was now such an intricate part of. It was unsettling that he had been rooting around in her mind, finding things she had never explained to anyone, things she had forgotten. He never asked questions about what it was he found, giving her the option to explain any of the details, but she hadn't. Anything he wanted to know, he would have to ask. They may have been working together, forming a forbidden bond, but she wouldn't delve any deeper than she had to, not yet. Whatever she gave, she wanted in return. Her life would not be laid bare where his was still shadowed.

"Are you ready?" he asked, his arm outstretched and waiting, "Remember to close your mind, you can do this."

She nodded, drawing in a deep breath between her teeth, exhaling through her nose as she said, "I'm ready."

"Legilimens!" That uneasy feeling ran through her, from the tips of her fingers through to her toes, nudging into her mind like a worn into dirt. Though it was her mind he was toying with, the effects coursed through her whole body. Severus sighed as he drew back, lowering his wand, "You didn't stop me at all."

"I know," she huffed, "I can't seem to focus hard enough."

"You're improving," he said, coming closer, "Look, what is something that brings you great joy that you can focus on, almost like casting a patronus."

She thought for a moment, pulling memories from the furthest depths of her mind. "I suppose when I got my wand. My father was so proud, he spent the day teaching me small charms."

Severus' eyes softened at her admission. "Think of that and focus your energy on it but keep it secret, it's something you don't want me to know. It's precious." Her brow furrowed as she nodded, steeling herself. Before distancing himself, Severus slid his fingers through her hair, gripping the strands. "You can do this," he said, "There's no one else I would trust with such a thing, with my life. Because that's what this is. When we stand before the Dark Lord, you will hold my life in your capable hands."

As he took his place, those words straightened her spine. This may have started by accident, when both of them sought to destroy each other, but it had blossomed into something more. Now the weight was crushing. Not only did this endeavor endanger both of their lives, but the lives of those in the Order. Cross' death was still fresh and a pang of guilt rattled through her at the prospect of the others that could be caused by the decision she had made to involve herself with the man across from her.

She lifted each foot and planted it again on the dark green rug, digging in the toes of her boots. She thought of her father and the day they had spent together, pulling the details of the day from the files so exceptionally organized in her mind. Remembering the warm sun and the shape of the three other wands she had tried before she was chosen by the one at her side. The laugh her father let out when the first wand erupted in a flurry of sparks, the sound booming from his chest. She waited for the uneasy feeling, the nudging at the edge of her mind, the tingling in her fingertips, but it never came.