Perhaps Another Time, Severus [A Severus Snape Fanfiction]

2008

2008

Severus pulled her in tighter, and she couldn't quell the tears that spilled, uncontrollable at the thought of never being in his arms again. Never sharing this life with him again. It erupted in her chest like a volcano, all the thoughts of what could go wrong. Time was such a fickle construct and if she made any wrong moves, the lines could follow the same path. Everything could remain the same and this sacrifice would be for nothing.

Peeking over Severus' shoulder at the bright potion in the cauldron, Shaylah sighed. They had been working on this potion for years and each time they got steadily closer. At first, she had suffered mild side effects, headaches, nausea, and made it nowhere but bed. Then, slowly, she began to go back, first a year, then two. She would find a place to stay and wait out the days until she returned to their current time, doing her best not to interfere with the timeline. She had watched her life several times, a ghost on the sidelines and each time was just as beautiful to her as the first.

This time, Severus was confident that he had pinpointed the exact ingredients and consistency, and if that were true, she would be sent back to 1994, when she was eighteen. It was by far the largest jump they had attempted and if it were successful, she couldn't sit and wait this time. She had an agenda.

He pulled away from her, placing his finger under her chin and raising her face to his. "Shay, you can do this," he said, his fingers running through her hair, tangling in the long golden curls as he pressed his brow to hers. "You're the most amazing woman I have ever known, surely my former self will realize it too and we will have another chance at this." He gestured around the room, his eyes glossy with the tears he himself was fighting, "We will undoubtedly be drawn to one another again and in that life, we won't have to live in his shadow." Shaylah sniffed, his words tangling in the already shredded strings of her heart. "I would find you in every lifetime," he continued, "In every timeline. Every version of me yearns to be with each and every variation of you." I would always know it was you.

The hope in his words wove around her heart, tightening her chest. Again, the giggles of their children floated through the air and the sobs came again. This was so fucking hard. She pressed her lips to his and her fingers wound into the strands of his raven hair. It was time, but she didn't want to let him fall through her fingers like sand that she could never fully grasp again. She wasn't ready but time waited for no one, even those who pulled its strings tightly. "I love you, so much," he said softly, wiping the tears from her cheeks.

She cupped his hand to her face, feeling the calming warmth he always radiated run through her. "I love you too, Severus." He slipped a photo into her fingers, and she couldn't stop the torrent of tears as she looked down at it, a hand over her mouth, keeping the sobs muffled so as not to alert the children. They didn't need to see this, didn't need to know what might happen if their mother failed.

Severus stood with his arm around Shaylah and his other hand on the shoulder of their six-year-old son, Prince. Their four-year-old daughter, Rose, stood in front of Shayla, all of them beaming in front of the Christmas tree before turning to smile at each other. It was just last Christmas that it was taken, but it felt like a lifetime ago. The loop kept moving, though it blurred as she pressed her eyes closed. There was so much on the line. So many lives. Their lives.

The picture began to shake as her hands trembled, but Severus cupped them with his own, calming the fear that threatened to keep her here. "Keep it with you to remember us but also use it to get through to me if need be." A single tear trailed down his cheek as he, too, stared at the photo. "You must convince me that Moody is not who he says he is."

"What happens if I succeed?" she asked, doing her best to breathe though the words still shook, "Do I just live a different life? I can never come back to this one, not if this works." She wiped the tear from his cheek with her thumb, needing to touch him as much as possible.

Severus let out a heavy sigh. "Yes. You continue on the path that has been set in motion. However, if you fail the lines will be the same and in fourteen years we could be sitting here again," he paused, "saying our goodbyes, in a different way."

Her thumb ran over the picture still in her hand, the knot in her stomach only growing. "What do I say to Dumbledore?"

"That you're a new student who had been homeschooled, your transcripts somehow were lost. You're there to finish your last year and take your N.E.W.Ts because you want to pursue a career as an Auror. I promise, it will work."

Once again that hope tugged at her heart. Breathing deeply, she straightened her back, "Alright, I'm ready," she said as she exhaled, though she was anything but. If she didn't go now, it was possible she wouldn't.

They both stood and Severus wrapped his arms around her, one last time, pulling her tightly against him, his heart thundering against her own. She breathed him in, clutching him like a lifeline, hoping the smell would follow her on her journey. Severus tilted her head to face him, those dark eyes saying so much, and crashed his lips into hers, it was deep and emotional, all consuming. When they separated, she wiped the last tear he had allowed to fall from his cheek, remembering every line of his face.

With a flick of his wand a small vial filled itself with the bright white liquid that had been patiently waiting in the cauldron. Severus plucked the vial from the air and placed it gently in her open palm. "Drink it as soon as you get to Hogwarts, before you even walk through the gates."

She nodded. "I love you."

"I love you too."

As she arrived outside the gates of Hogwarts, she pulled the vial from the pocket of her jacket. The soft glow of bright light lit up the night around her, reflecting off the broken, rusty gates. In Severus' time there, it had been well maintained, coveted, but now, it had fallen into ruin along with the rest of the world.

Removing the vial's stopper, the smell of rainwater stuffed its way up her nose. With a heavy sigh, her eyes closed, she drank their only chance at a better life.