Fragments mend

An eclipsed growth

Mistakes,

life is full of them.

They trace every aspect of our identities.

They shape us into the people we are today.

Those very blunders make us grow.

We can't change the past,

we can't regret it either.

All we can do is hope for a brighter future.

Do you know what my biggest mistake was?

To genuinely think that you'd remain.

Trusting you once more,

when it was clear in your head that you didn't want to stay.

Do you know what your biggest mistake was?

Making me believe that your independent judgments were for my benefit,

as if I weren't old enough to make them on my own.

I guess you were persuaded by it yourself.

When there was nothing comparable.

Your issue was that no matter how often you entered my life,

you always left.

As soon as you enter,

you just exit.

As if I didn't merit some explanation,

you just quit with no elaboration.

As if my heart was still able to handle your games,

the ones you enjoyed playing with me,

whenever you felt the burn of old flames.

I thought that you had changed,

that you were willing to make sacrifices.

But you were the same selfish person,

I knew 5 years ago.

The only difference now,

is that I am no longer the girl.

The girl that tolerated mistreatment,

that left the key to her heart in your claws.

She had walked through the storms.

Days where even sunlight wasn't enough to enlighten her vision.

Old days she would never dare to tell you about,

which transformed her pure tiny heart into a ruined one,

her kindness into harshness.

Everything fell into darkness,

time flowed around her,

a rock in a stream.

She did see the light when you first spoke to her,

she saw the ray.

She hoped that perhaps you could revive her shriveled heart.

But even you betrayed her,

the only person she thought could never injure her.

You were supposed to be her savior.

Your words to me were as clear as water.

Brighter than the sun.

Deeper than the galaxies.

Vaster than the ocean,

I could so easily drown in them.

We got attached to each other,

a part of me latched itself to you.

We grew accustomed,

just like the moon always needed her stars,

just like humans needed a reason to live.

You said I never left your mind,

I was heaven to you,

forever permanent.

So how could you possibly miss me?

It made me question how someone capable of saying those things,

could possibly find leaving as simple as it seems.

You claimed to love everything about me.

Lost in my eyes,

because you couldn't tell which color to label them.

Loved the smell of my hair.

You bought yourself my fragrance,

because its scent reminded you of our summer days,

fields of blossomed flowers.

Skies of endless constellations,

countless revelations.

Horizons with salted airs.

You said warmth flooded you at the mere sight of my smile,

my glimmer.

I was the monsoon of your spirit.

The blaze that kept you alive.

You said you wanted to hear about my day.

You would look out after me.

I felt safety surrounded by your invisible shield.

Nevertheless, you departed.

Faster than a fleeting breeze,

you carried everything left inside of me on your way.

I was cleared.

All this time, all you did was hurt me once again.

Yet, there is one thing that you cannot take away from me:

the strength I developed as a result of you.

It turned out that I never required your presence.

I won't be pursuing you as I once did,

I am far superior to what you will ever be.

I became someone you can't reach.

It's your loss,

from the beginning,

darling,

it was never mine.