His Wants

11

The next days and week was a blur, Terry gave me some space when I asked for it. I wanted to be with him, but I needed to mourn, and I didn't want him to see me mourn. It wasn't shameful, not at all, I wanted to be in my apartment where my uncle and I had shared many laughs. I made some room on a small bookshelf of his favorite tie, little knick knacks that he collected over the years. I didn't work for just over a week, I felt awful that I had left everything the way that I did.

Terry called me often and messaged me often. Stopping by each evening with dinner to make sure I would eat.

"I'm so sorry I haven't been at work, I left all that and-"

Terry cut me off, "Enough of that," he said sternly but sweet, he held my hand in his large one, "You take the time you need. The other sensei are helping me with the bookwork as best they can. You do not worry about it. Don't worry about anything, I paid your rent through February, you're covered."

My bottom lip trembled, "Oh Terry," I began to cry, covering my face with my other hand, "What did I do in this life to deserve you? Thank you for being here."

Terry stood and kneeled next to me, I turned and kept apologizing for crying, he took my face in his hands, gently wiped away my tears with his thumbs, "You don't have to apologize to me for anything. I care about you, and I ask myself what I did to ever have deserved you. You have made me a better man, Ella, I want to see you happy, and I want you by my side. You can try to push me away, but I will come right back for you."

I threw my arms around him, collapsing us both on the ground, Terry pulled me into his lap as I straddled him and wept quietly into his shoulder. His arms felt like a palace, a safe haven, home, a moat, everything that encompassed the word 'safe.' He rocked me quietly, rubbed my back and let me cry.

"I love you, Terry Silver," I said into him.

He took a deep breath, held me tighter and whispered to me, "I love you too, Ella. I will give you the world if you let me."

"I don't want to feel like this anymore," I sniffled, finding it hard to look at him, "I don't want to feel so sad, I know my uncle would be so mad at me for lying around sobbing over him."

"You need to go through these feelings. Feel them. Experience them, don't push them down, I'm here for you, anything you ever need," he suffocated me with the grip he had on me.

We sat like that on the floor of my little kitchen area, he let me sob into him and confess my feelings, just as he confessed his. Maybe this older voyeur who watched me work was really the knight in shining armor that galloped along on his black steed in the middle of the night for me, was who I needed all along. I found myself chuckling into him at the first thoughts I had about him.

He pulled away and looked at me, brushing my hair away from my face, "This is new... I'd rather hear your laughter than your crying."

I laughed more and covered my face, shaking my head, "You were a customer who watched me, a voyeur, then all the sudden here you come one day like you always had. Your pockets heavy with cash, asking me to join him on his lunch, paid me money, and even confessed to watching me," I chuckled and plucked up the courage to look into his beautiful eyes, "When we first went out I had to tell myself not to get too close, that even Ted Bundy was a serial killer, yet women threw themselves at him, just as women croon after you when you walk by. I pictured myself being kidnapped by you, tossed into some dank basement, get used then no one would see me again."

My laughter became uncontrollable, Terry chuckled along with me, he wrapped his arms around my waist and laughed, "You thought that of me?" He was aghast, but chuckling, "You wound me. I am a voyeur, you're right, I enjoyed watching you for months when you started working at the Country Club. That amazing smile, your beautiful hair that you kept hidden in a ponytail, the way you carry yourself... I knew I had to have you. You are the only thing that money can't buy me, when I have everything that I could ever have, I wanted you, needed you. And now that I have you, you're not going anywhere."

We grabbed each other's faces gently and kissed. Terry had become my world. He helped me up off the floor, his hands wrapped around my waist, he looked at the flowers that adorned my counter tops, "Where did all these come from?"

"The students," I said quietly, smiling at the arrangements, "All the Cobra Kai students pitched in and got me these wonderful flowers. They all sent me beautiful cards and sweet condolences. They're great kids."

Terry smiled at all the flowers, "They certainly are... Sweetheart, I know this is an inappropriate time to ask, but I feel I need to. Do you want to spend some time away from here? I mean, during Christmas... It's a few weeks away and I don't want you to be alone."

I placed a hand gently on his cheek, "Terry... I'll be there. It wouldn't be good for me to just sit here and feel sorry for myself."

Terry helped me pack a small bag for a few days, I told him that perhaps some time away from my apartment would be good. The staff was warm, welcoming in giving me their condolences when we arrived. All I wanted to do was shower, wash away the tears and the grief, forget about the outside world for a while and lose myself in Terry's mansion, in his arms.

Terry ran a warm, bubbly bath for me, he rolled up his sleeves and sat outside of the bathtub, washing my hair for me. He insisted. He washed my back, massaging me at the same time, his large strong hands felt so good, Terry had the right idea in mind to have me come here. I hadn't done much except cry and wallow, Uncle Art would be livid to know that's all I've done. Sleep evaded me at every turn, I was so tired.

After Terry bathed me, he wrapped me in an oversized towel, he dried me and dressed me in his comfy pajama pants and one of his t-shirts. I was cozy, I felt like a little kid in his clothes. He carried me to the couch on the third floor living room area, just down from his room. We watched some movies, ate some snacks, it was perfect. I fell asleep leaning up against him as we watched the last movie, sure, it had been a film we both watched before, but it was more about the time we were spending together. I don't remember Terry carrying me to bed, or Terry even coming to bed.

I slept so soundly and peacefully, granted the last week there wasn't much sleep, just a whole lot of crying. Waking in Terry's arms was the best thing I had woken up to, he brought me in closer to his chest, I nuzzled in. His snores were like music to my ears, he must not have slept much either lately.

Urging Terry to go to work as he usually does, he stubbornly agreed. He told me he was going to tell the staff to be scarce while I was there, he playfully told me to not get into any trouble, he'd see it. I knew there were cameras everywhere in his house, just like at the dojo. I found plenty of things to keep myself busy, I baked cookies from scratch, hell, even made a cake from scratch.

It felt right to be there. I was elated when Terry came home, it felt so natural wrap my arms around him and greet him when he walked into the door. My uncle would be much happier knowing that I was still living my life.